A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Am i stupid, or just living in the past. I am gay and i don't think i have ever said that before. i have always been scared and think of other peoples feelings rather then my own. I avoid social situations and even family stuff because everybody is with somebody else. I can be in a room full of family and i still feel alone. I feel like i am the mistake and everybody knows it. I know i'm being stupid but how do i help myself, 30 years ago i would not even dream of writing this but times have change and even i smile when i see a young gay couple holding hands. I am just to afraid of myself to tell anybody. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 July 2017):
 What are you afraid off, do you think society will judge you? Your family will turn against you? I honestly think that after all these years the best thing you should do is seek professional help, it will help you bring down those barriers that you have up. You need to learn to accept yourself.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 July 2017):
 Most of us are "mistakes" (so to speak) but YOU are here and have been for a while. I'm here too. And so are MILLIONS of other people. There is a BIG chance that MANY of these millions weren't planned. Doesn't mean they ae really a MISTAKE or not wanted.
You ONLY get ONE life, when do you want to start living it?
You don't HAVE to make a big announcement. Tell people whom you CAN trust, who you know CARE for you. They might already know or have an idea of this.
As for feeling alone in a large group of family members? not hard, OP
I would suggest you perhaps talk to a counselor or therapist and work on being OK with yourself FIRST. Then look for someone to BE with and THEN... tell people if you FEEL you have to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2017): It sounds like you are living in fear....fear of not being accepted, fear of coming out, fear of being alone.Etc.And that's never going to change if you keep holding onto your secret. I think you need to build up some courage (it may take weeks, months, even a year or two) but you will keep feeling the way you said until you do something about it.I think if and when you do decide to come out, it doesn't have to be a big announcement. I would begin with telling your immediate family (no more than 2 people at a time) so that you don't feel too overwhelmed. You will feel better in yourself and will be much happier if you come out and let others know how you're feeling. Try not to worry about what others think, you will know who your true friends and family are when you do reveal your secret. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (3 July 2017):
 I think you need to examine what you are afraid of. Is it rejection? Could it be persecution? Ask yourse4lf what really is the worst that could happen about your coming out?
I take it that you haven't already because you say this is the first time you have ever said it.
As a first step you might find a forum online where you can chat to some other people about being yourself and developing into who you feel yourself to be.
It's never too late to be who you are.
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