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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, 3 years ago I met a guy in turkey when i was doing some research there. I stayed at his house but with in a relationship at the time so nothing happened although there was an attraction. We became friends and saw each other every year when I visited. This june I went alone and he told me his last relationship was over and so we finally got it together. It was lovely and I fell in love. I spent a week at his house. He said I should come back soon and I wanted to too but I couldn't get back until 1 month later. When I arrive he says he has guests one of which is his ex fom Poland and her family. He says she is sleeping in his bed but they are just friends and he is repaying hospitality.I am in turmoil and so when he suggests we jump on a bus back to my place I do as I want to ask more questions. At my place I end up sleeping with him and he stays the night.He leaves in the morning but doesn't call for a few days. I am getting worried and so call him and we meet. He says they are leaving in a few days and he doesn't want to create a huge scene with the relatives ( he is kurdish, non practising muslim) I express my feelings and he kisses me and says I want to come back but I can't. I am really upset and shout at him saying he should make up his mind, it's his life. On weds I get a message saying, the family went but the ex didn't go and he can't throw her out and he wants to meet for a talk. I have rented my flat out in the UK to be with him I am very angry. During the talk he kisses me and we spent the night together and he says ok I will tell her to go. Another message saying he can't ... anyway..this goes on and on .I have been here three weeks and now I feel like the mistress ( she does all the cooking and cleaning apparently)just hanging around waiting for her to go. I know It's a crap situation but it's one of those ones where when you are together it's brilliant.I am starting to feel depressed, he seems to have lied from the very beginning and strung me along. Even if she does go, I feel awful at the way he has treated me and my love and respect for him have almost died.When I last saw him ( 2 nights ago) I felt like my spirit had been broken. I have got another 2 weeks here.Any Advice.. i know it's gonna be dump him...
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 Well yes, that's probably my advice but the first thing is STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM! It's making the situation much worse. If you keep taking him back to your bed he will never make any decision as the message you're sending is "it's ok, I'll accept it and still sleep with you, you carry on doing whatever you like". It's not on and you MUST be firm with him. Give him an ultimatum, her or you and if he can't decide, YOU decide for him and leave. You gave up a lot to be with him so he doesn't owe his ex anything. Ok so you gave up your flat, but just get yourself back home and pick up the pieces, you'll be ok. You don't derserve to be treated like this but you have a choice. If you're allowing him to treat you like this it's not just his fault. Walk away with dignity is what I think you should do.
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 You are very nice and in love, try to relax and think dear... he loves sex with you maybe he loves you but he feels more responsiblr towards his family and cultural background doesnt him? Please arrange a talk with him ask him if he has talked to the girl about you and ask him to meet her to go to his flat and talk together to her about her getting a job,her own flat or whatever, if he strongly disadrees then the is probably a chauvinist and a bastard, leave him and find another bloke, I' sure you will, you are special and nice, lots of love and good luckAstrid
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