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male
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anonymous
writes: I am 34 years old who split up with a girl 4 years ago.She walked out for somebody else. This left me hurt for a while but i have managed to move on. Now i don't go in for full on chatting up women and trying to be the amateur comedian up but ask questions about themselves as i get to know them.I'm not cheeky but I make them laugh and when i feel i have become good friends with girls. Trouble if i try to move any on from there and ask to take them out as friends, no pressure' or if i exchange numbers thats when the trouble starts. If i text i'll keep things nice but i will get no reply. If i arrange a date i get stood up or i receive a text with an excuse.In the end we don't speak yet i've done nothing to bring on any hard feelings.I seem to get girls almost on an annual basis comes along who appears really keen but seems to be playing me on a fruitless chace.Because of this i end up cross examining myself and wondering what game i have to play or how do i find a right balance. I don't know how hard to chace or whether i am not chacing hard enough.The most common reason is that i am too nice. Thats why i am being messed around!!!I am letting things happen rather than looking too hard but its annoying to see the girl i would like to be with end up with someone else and the whole experience of trying to date women and getting the girl is frustrating rather than fun and is becoming one i just dont enjoy.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): Hmmmmm.
I am curious to see what your answers will be to Marini's questions.
It's good to have someone give your mind a jog and see if you can see from another perspective as to "why".
I am going to suggest some individual counseling only to have someone to talk to about this matter and to do so constructively with the hopes of finding answers.
I agree that it may be in the "type" of girl you are chasing after; and then it is up to you to change this as this will change the dynamic.
I think you should be taking on some responsibility here and stop seeing yourself as a victim as that is what you will be.
Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): You seem like a great guy! Just sounds like these ladies that are playing you around are mean. The only piece of advice I could give you is not to be walked all over and put your foot down. It is most probably that you haven't met 'the one' as you seem pretty cool and relaxed about the whole dating thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): You know just from reading your post, you stink of desperation. I don't think 'being too nice' is really the problem here. It's really about how you go on about interacting with these women, and where you're finding them.
Here's a few questions about yourself:
1) What are three of your strongest traits?
2) What type of women are you going for?
3) What makes you think you are an attractive male towards these women?
4) Can you actually see yourself objectively?
5) What factor in your relationship 4 years ago that your ex left you?
6) Lastly, were you blind to her desires/needs and feelings up until she left you, or did you have a hunch of a failing relationship with her back then before she left you?
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 I'm sorry that keeps happening, but you must see that it's not you who is the problem, but the girls you choose to be with. There are a lot of girls out there who want nothing more than to meet a genuine 'nice guy' - but there are also girls who aren't that serious about relationships. You should try to avoid them! Or perhaps these girls just see you as a friend, then are confused once they realise you want to take things further.The main thing is - keep on being nice! It will pay off eventually. And to be honest, do you really want to be with a girl who doesn't want a 'nice' boyfriend? So... go out and find a girl who is worth your while. You deserve the best.Good luck and remember - keep being nice!
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