| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: im confused about my feelings when my fiance of 5 years goes drinking without me. im always invited to go and sometimes i choose to stay at home or do something else. im some what okay with him going. i have no reasons to distrust him. but i get worried that he isnt going to come home, because the first 2 years of our relationship he didnt come home twice. one was a going away party for a coworker and the other was a golf day for work. last night he went to another farwell party for a friend and i didnt want to go, and i knew he was going to be home late and well i was up at 2 am and he still wasnt home. he arrived after 3 and he was drunk. im ok with that to an extent. but it annoys me that i lost sleep waiting and worring for him. he also had a big work meetig at 10am and well he didnt go to that cause he was still sleeping. which by the way i woke him up twice before going to work, called once and then ended up going home to wake him. well i feel more like a babysitter than a soon to be wife. i feel disrespected by him once again. and i know for sure that he couldnt function daily without me. cause i do it all for him. completely useless he isany thoughts or suggestions on how to deal with this situation, because i know its not going to be the last
View related questions:
co-worker, drunk, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would like to just comment on the male reader who wrote nov 29. i just think u understand the situation. can u say alcoholic? cuz he has alcoholic tendancies and maybe i dont want to party with some one who becomes an ass when he drink. and i dont have social inadequacies. its nothing like that. i know how to go out and have some fun, and i do go out with him on the rare occassion when i dont have to go to work the next morning. outherwise its just not worth it. and there is no moral high ground. its a choice, a choice to not go. and of course u would sympathize with him, cuz ur most likely the same way. and like my fiance ur blinded by the truth and constantly make excuses for ur actions so as not take responsibilities. oh and when u give someone adive, try not be such a dick.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): Why do you feel the need to do all these things for him then? Its his life let him face the consequences of his actions.
And why don't you go to the parties with him? Is it so you can have the moral high ground when he comes home drunk or is it perhaps to hide your own social inadequacies.
Get over it, let him have some fum and face his own responsibilities.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 November 2006):
 It's a good thing this behavior is going on before you have married. You need to have a heart to heart with the guy and discuss what you expect from each other. You shouldn't be his nurse, mother, alarm clock. He has responsibilities in this relationship as well. Get it all out in the open. If he doesn't work with you on this then by all means do not marry the guy because things will just get worse after you tie the knot. And don't take his word that he will change his behavior, wait and see to make sure before you walk down that isle!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (8 November 2006):
 if you know that this will not be the last then i suggest you speak up now and put your foot down before it gets any worse. You shouldnt be left at home babysitting worrying whether or not he will come home, i know you say you trust him but it sounds as though you dont trust him in respect to staying out all night. If he's done it not once but twice then he'll defintely do it again so i ssuggest you speak up to him now!
Tell him that instead of him out galivanting with his friends all the time leaving you to babysit, you should change the roles around and you yourself go out and enjoy yourself for once because it doesnt sound as though you enjoy staying at home worrying about him all the time, i know i wouldnt!
If he wants to go out then that should be fine but come to an agreement about what time he gets home at and if by some reason he can't make it back at that time he should fone you to let you know that he will be late and make it quite clear to him that because he will be drunk it will not be an excuse for him not to call you! Don't be a bit soft with him and certainly dont let him walk all over you like this. YOu do love him and i can tell that but if this is what it is like before you are married what will it be like in a few years to come when maybe you have a few more children.
Start start as you mean to go on, get yourself out a few nights a month and make him babysit. Dont tell him what time you'll be home at etc. the exact same way as he does to you and let him see how it makes you feel.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): So this is what you want...in your future. Always being a 'mommy' to this fellow? Hun, you will end up getting yourself ill, living with this guy and the stress he puts on you. It's good to be supportive and loving, but this is way 'overdone'. So what do you do? Stop martyring yourself and caretaking him ...today, preferably. This is way too time-consuming and emotionally draining for you and this is NOT a healthy, equally giving, respectable, reciprocal relationship. It's time for you two to have a talk and some boundries need to be put in place. Let him know, if he makes the choice to get drunk and is hungover the next morning...he's on his own. He's an adult, he responsible for his choices and the consequences that happen as a result. Right now, you are doing all the giving and this relationship is not growing. You will end up very embittered and very empty if this keeps up. Be strong.
...............................
|
