I feel like he's become distant since I told him how I felt about him

A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi, I am a 17-year old (just today, actually) that is quite confused right now. I've been in love with a guy (straight) for 4 years now, and I'm not quite sure how to get over him, as I really want to. We'll both be graduating from high school soon, and I'm afraid time won't help me cut off my obsession. We're good friends, I guess you could say, but it's always the same when it comes to me liking him - ever since I came out to him and told him I liked him (I had to, I was going to burst), he has been acting really off. Whenever I prompt the topic he won't say anything about it, but when I push it a little he either dodges it completely by throwing out really unfunny jokes, acting like nothing's happening, or starts yelling at me. And the only time he'd do that is on MSN. He's made me cry a few times, actually. And after we talk or I make a point it's either he aggress but there's no change or he just doesn't understand. But the problem is that he's really not homophobic. He has gay friends aside from me. I don't get it. I've given him space and tried everything, including just letting him be for a few weeks, although it hurt me a lot. But then he just pretends I'm not there and doesn't come talk to me by himself, instead asking my friends if I'm online or how I'm doing. It's as if he thinks I'm angry at him, which I'm not. And now he won't even compliment me, do anything remotely nice at all, or even say anytything like he's glad I'm there for him or even a simple genuine thank you. (He's a gentleman, he's very pleasant with everyone else) I think he thinks that if he does anything nice I'd take a hint that he likes me - which is childish - I know he's straight. I just want to be friends. I like him but that's my problem. Now I just feel like I'm the only person trying to keep our friendship alive, even though he says we're good friends. It's the first time I've liked a guy (or a girl, for that matter) that much and for some time couldn't imagine life without him after we graduated. I'd resorted to hate for a few months, then nonchalance during summer holidays, but nothing works. I always just go diving back into it. Please tell me what he's thinking...I really dont know what to do...I want our friendsip to be like his friendship with anybody else. He's really distant. Although I admit he tells me his problems (which he does to nobody else), it really hurts because it feels that he doesn't appreciate my existence at all even though he typically does. I'm just realy confused as to what he's thinking. The biggest problem is that he just won't listen or sit down and talk. I've tried every tact which speaking to him about this for 4 years, but it's the same. It always ends in either a fight and/or nothing changes. I also have this morbid fear that he'll be on my mind until I die and wreck all my future possible relationships. I don't know how to get over him...I've tried everything, please help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010):

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