I feel like he sees me as a mom not a lover!

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm engaged to the man of my dreams but recently our sex life hasn't been good. I've tried everything I can think of to spice things up and he really seems to enjoy it when we do have sex but it's not making him want to more often. I recently lost 25 pounds and I'm at a normal weight now and happy with the way I look but it's only after I lost the weight that this started. All the other girls he's dated were really skinny so I didnt think it would be the weight loss. I've talked to him about it and he says he loves me the way I am and he's attracted to me and always has been. But I can't help but to think he's just trying to be nice because he's always talked in his sleep and now he's having sex dreams every single night he will act out what he's doing, talk to the person he's dreaming about and it's never me. Sometimes it's my best friend who is as big as I was. It's very hurtful when I spend hours getting ready for bed, put on the sexiest thing I can find and he just kisses me and says good night then spends the next 8 hours dreaming about someone else and I have to hear him tell them how sexy they are and how much he wants them. I'm at a loss for options I've talked to him about it, I've gained more weight, I've found out and do everything he likes, I switch things up and keep it spontaneous, but nothings working and it's starting to ruin our relationship because even if he can't help his dreams it's still hurtful and the fact that he won't be honest and tell me what's up is making it worse. I feel like he's no longer attracted to me because we had a child together and now he sees me as a mom not his lover anymore. We don't even talk or spend any time together at all he says we will and he wants to but makes no effort to or when I plan it he makes up excuses like his head hurts or he feels sick and we end up staying home going to bed! Any suggestions on how to save my relationship?

View related questions: best friend, engaged, no longer attracted, sex life

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 November 2012):

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