A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for three years and things are good between us, he treats me well and is always there when I need him. But the problem is he always asks questions that I find unnecessary like: "did you meet anyone today and did someone meet up with you?", "did anyone try to chapse you (ask u out)", "are you going on a date with anyone", "did you call or did anyone call you?", "is there anything you're not telling me that I should know about?", "Are you seeing someone or anyone?". And by anyone he means any man. Sometimes I forget like when I speak to my male cousins on the phone and when i remember or when he goes through my phone and sees their number he'll say how come I didn't mention it when he asked if I spoke to anyone. Then next time he'll ask "did you or have you spoken to anyone?, or did your cousin call you?, what about your female friends, have you spoken to them?" I don't know, it seems like its nothing but it bothers me a lot and i've talked to him about it but he says if am not doing anything then he doesn't see what the problem is. That it's always good to ask cos he doesn't want a situation where something happens and I tell him I forgot to say.I told him it makes me feel like he doesn't trust me, but I thought that maybe he'd stop asking these questions as time went by cos he'd probably trust me more but two years down and nothing's changed. The questions are getting more and more. When we go out clubbing he'd complain that he saw me staring at some guy. It really gets to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice, I sat him down and told him how i felt about it and that i couldn't continue with the relationship if he didn't stop his questions. He promised to stop but that it would take time and needed me to help him stop. He cut down on the questioning but now asks again though its not as bad as before. So i've accepted that he'll always be like this.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 How in the hell have you put up with this for TWO YEARS? I'm sorry, but as a guy, I would never treat a female like that.
This guy has some insecurity issues. Was he cheated on in a previous relationship? Sounds like it. Be that as it may, unless you are giving him a reason to grill you like a Gestapo agent(and from what you've posted you haven't) I would say don't wast a second longer, and ditch this guy.
Look at it this way, You've been together for 2 years. Thats time enough to see things in a person that they are either unable or unwilling to change. This is one of those cases. what more proof do you need? Can you imagine being married and 5 years down the road and this continuing?
No, and you know as well as I do that it will continue. So please go out and find someone that will treat you with respect and trust. Because This guy will never trust you for whatever reason. And trust and honesty are the cornerstones of any meaningful relationship.
I also want to say that after two years of being subjected to this, you may need to take some time for yourself to heal as well. Treatment like that tends to shatter one's self esteem, so please get some counseling if it is doable so you don't have this spill over into your next relationship.
Best of luck
GR
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Oh My God! That would drive me crazy! I couldn't live like that! I wouldn't live like that!
I would threaten to leave him if he couldn't trust me! I'm not saying you should do that...that's what I would do!
Have you ever given him any reason Not to trust you? If not, then after two years you should've earned his trust!
I believe in trusting someone until they give me reason not to, and that is the way I expect to be treated!
I would strongly suggest you sit your guy down and explain to him that he is not your parole officer, and his questioning of you is very inappropriate!
Again...these are my opinions...you have to come to your own conclusions!
Good Luck!
Britt
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