A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am not a weed smoker, but my hb does. He is one person when he smokes, and different when he doesn't. I didn't know that he likes weed when we were dating, I never saw that before, but when we got married he start to smoke in the house. At the first time I didn't realize how different he can be, I mean I believed every word that he said to me, when he smokes he start to made many plans for the future and many things, then when he is not "high" I start to talk about the things that he said and he says to me that he doesn't remember..I started to pay atention to him. one night we were planning to go out, he got his weed , he was soo happy, we had a great time (we were dancing, drinking..etc)..the next weekend he could't find it, anyway we were out, and he was completely different person, cold, he ignored me, he didn't want to dance or eat o anything like the last time...he was like a stone beside me...The next day I talked to him and I asked if there is any possibility to him to be happy without weed Because to me, that seems like he needs that to have fun. He said to me, I been smoking weed since I am 16's and I won't quit for you and for nothing. (he is now 44y).He made a trip with a friends younger than him and when he was back told me that was the best trip in his life because where he was he could find the best weed in the world (cheap and strong) and he said he wants to come back there and have a good time again.I don't really know what to think, my heart is broken, I feel like he choose the weed over than me, he is loosing me and he doesn't care. I told him if I can do something to help him, he said you can not do anything because this is what I like.When I knew that he likes weed I accepted and I dind't say anything, but everything starts when I saw the differences..Is that normal? Is the same behaviour for the weed smokers?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 April 2011):
 the fact that he hid his use from you until after marriage tells me that he knows he's doing something wrong...and the fact that he hid it from you makes him a liar. he should have been open and honest about this from the beginning so you could have made an informed choice.he may be self medicating with his use.... many folks who drink, smoke, or do drugs are self medicating things like ADHD or depression....I can't really advise you what to do in terms of leaving him or staying with him as that's a personal decision but if you want him to not smoke and he won't stop you are pretty much between a rock and a hard place
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 April 2011):
I have a dreadful feeling that you married a complete loser. Seriously, a man who chooses to smoke grass over actually doing things with his wife has problems. Maybe you need to consider whether this marriage is worth bothering about. He doesn't seem to think much of it.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (22 April 2011):
This is a very unhealthy relationship because your husband has an addiction. Addictions can really destroy marriages because the addict is never present in their relationship, is so consumed by their addiction that they case their spouse aside, and has so many unhealthy habits that negatively impact their spouse (such as his Jekyll and Hyde split personality)
Furthermore, addicts often lie to their spouses to conceal their activities. Your husband lied to you about his addiction until after you were married. This is actually betrayal of your marriage and nullifies the marriage, as far as I'm concerned. (though don't know if legally it's the case)
If he doesn't even see how unhealthy his life is, and if he doesn't see how destructive it is to a marriage and care enough about you or the marriage to do anythign about it, I think you should cut your losses and leave him before your marriage becomes even more broken and you've suffered more heartache and wasted more time.
You can't save or help an addict (look up 'co dependency' and the trap of it). They have to help themselves. If they're not willing to help themselves, they will single handedly destroy the marriage, if you allow it by sticking around and maintaining a marriage for them to destroy. in fact, by staying married to him you could be inadvertently further helping him to continue his unhealthy addiction (again, look up 'co depedency')..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): He sounds like the worst kind of pothead. Just a guy who only cares about getting high. They aren't truly happy unless they're smoking weed, talking about weed, or reading about weed. Its really kind of sad. It sounds crazy but people like this make me think weed can cause addicts.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (22 April 2011):
 maybe i'm insensitive or the wrong person to ask, but my opinion is that he's way too old to behaving like such a teenager. smoking weed is a drug most people eventually grow out of. and if he's that sorry of a man that he's not willing to quit smoking for his own wife, i'd leave him. that should show you what's important to him. and clearly it's not you. i would be seriously offended and really disgusted. and the fact that the best vacation he ever went on was due to great weed - that's sad. i personally couldn't handle a person like that.
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