A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am experiencing difficulties in my relationship and quite frankly I am having a difficult time wrapping my head around some things and I am hoping that someone can give me a clearer sense of direction because I am lost somewhere amongst the muddle.I seem to be caught up in the same scenario that keeps happening repeatedly and no matter how much I try to get it right it just seems to be getting worst. There seems to be a distance between us and that does not leave me feeling very secure. I have been with this man for a year and as time has gone on I feel like he does not want to be around me as much. I do realize to a certain extent that couples will find their groove so to speak and not be as passionate as they were in the beinning with all of the newness flying around in the air... However, this seems to be happening a lot. I am able to tell him that I would like couple time and am open in my suggestions as to what we can do and realistic time frames for it but it appears like he always wants to distract himself from participating even though his words suggest the opposite.Each weekend that goes by is the same thing, he pretty much wants to sit in front of the television for hours on end. I try to suggest that maybe we can find something together to watch and hang out and he will not allow me that. It has to be a movie of his choosing and if I try to tell him that I would like to be able to participate in the choice he gets pissed and eventually I go and hang out by myself in the bedroom. This is just one of many scenarios where he does not seem to want to do anything with me. I ask him if he would just like to hang out and converse about absolutely anything but he is usually too tired for that. I ask him at times if he would like to take a walk with me but he is usually to tired for that as well. Today he told me that we could spend some couple time and than takes me to Canadian tire for a look around and brings me back home stating that that was our couple time. wtf?I ask if we might be able to rent a movie together and just cuddle and somehow that turned into a turkey sandwhich being thrown against a wall in the kitchen and him storming off into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him.I feel like I am going nuts. I feel like I might be driving this guy nuts but I don't understand how asking for this kind of time is out of line. What the hell is going on here? I can't see the forest for the trees. I feel like this guy can't stand me at times. All of last week he treated me poorly and even told me I am useless a couple of times. Friday morning he barely even acknowledges me and when he got home I had company and he was nice as pie; a super guy. He was friendly and hospitable which is all good but it was really weird for me to to go from being treated like shit to watching him being so good to other people. After the company left, I was and am back in the same space with him and currently in my bedroom typing this as he sits in the living watching television and ignoring me.What is going on here? Is it me? Can someone really have this effect on someone else? Am I asking for couple time the wrong way or something? Thanks for consideration and time. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Pineknot  +, writes (12 October 2009):
It sounds like your needs aren't important to him. You have every right to expect to have your emotional needs met. It isn't unreasonable. I suggest you read the book "He's just not that into you." I just read it and it opened my eyes. I'm sure you can find it online. Remember, you deserve nothing less than his respect and love, and to have your needs addressed. If he refuses to do that, why in the world do you want him? He is just causing you pain from what I hear. I'd ditch him and find someone who appreciated me.
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