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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: well i do love my boyfriend just a few things on my mind and i need some advice.Firstly, christmas time i bought him a ear ring and hes only worn it a handful of times do i ask if he liked it? its niggling at me a bitMore importantly on numerous occasions he has said that he never wants cheildren but ive pushed it to the back of my mind coz im only 23 and hes 21 soo we are young....but I have a heart condition and i built up the courage to ask my cardiologist about having children and she told me it was very unlikely as my oxygen levels are too low and because of the medication im on, it was a very big shock and it did upset me obviously. Anyways i txtd my boyfriend telling him as i was too upset to talk and he was lk well im not with you for that but i feel horrible to be honest, i feel deformed or lk damaged goods and i just cant talk to him about it, i kept saying i never wanted children but a small part of me knew i cudnt and a small part me thought wat if i can i will one day but now i know i wont ever it hurts lk hell! however it feels really awkward talking about it with him i just feel lk everytime i see a pregnant woman or children i think thats never going to be me, its not like i was desperate for children before but now i cant stop thinking about it, i know your all going to say talk to him but i just cant, he keeps saying he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me but it worries me that we cant talk bout something that is this serious, the only time we have talked about is was when i texted him telling him and that was lk a month agoanyways needed to vent, advice or chat would be nice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok i know i am annoyed about the ear ring thing but he bought me a dress for christmas and i dont like it but isnt it idfferent buying a ear ring to a dress? for guys out there do not buy girls clothes! youll never get it right!
Anyways, I know there are other options to having children and I dont think my boyfriend wants children anyhow well right now he says he doesnt! its just i feel abnormal nothing about my life is normal due to this condition just wanted one normal thing! I know there is a possibility i could but i could either die or by stopping this tablet my condition could become worse whereby i would not be able to breathe at all and would need constant oxygen and my boyfriend said that he would rather me be here than have kids if he did want them soo its just hard to get my head around it
if i didnt have my boyfriend id be afraid no guy would want me
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): You could have your eggs harvested, fertilized with his sperm and carried by a surrogate! You can still have biological children, just not carry them due the stress a pregenancy would put your body through. Investigate all this further.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): I bet it was a shock, I personally would investigate further, you were told probably not, not definately not. I don't want to give false hope in any way at all but I would ask and investigate every risk or possibility.
If it comes about that it's a definate no way for your own safety, then there are other ways to have children in your life, adoption is one, it gives a lost child a loving home.
I do feel for you, I hope you can talk to people close to you, you need support of those that love you. Your not damaged goods.Your boyfriends there for you and you need to discuss it and put it behind you - tell him this is how it is, then later if you do want to explore other avenues in a few years, you can discuss them together
As for the earring, maybe he didn't like it or maybe he just wants to wear it here n there on special days.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 I am so sorry to hear your having to go through this alone.
big hugs
Its not easy to handle such news, but you need to cry the emotions out and allow yourself to feel the pain.
Surround yourself with people you find supportive or be alone if that makes you feel comfortable.
Your boyfriend should be supportive of you but if you find you cannot confide in him then there is some underlying concerns you both need to talk about once you feel upto it.
Doctors are not always right, remember many people have been told they cant have kids, or will have deformed kids and have gone onto have healthy babies.
I've known a few who have been through this so i speak from experience.
Im not saying you should not listen to the doctor but what i do say is doctors dont know everything.
Either way my advice to you is:
allow yourself to grieve, feel your emotions and know they are natural. Dont feel hopeless, you are not deformed, you are not bad. Sometimes thing happen that we cannot understand. Not having kids does not make you less of a person. Talk to your boyfriend when you feel ready.
you deserve the best and this news should have no bearing on you as a person, you are worthy of all the good things this life has to offer. Remember that.
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A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 Don't bug him about the earrings. Even if you do ask, he'll probably just say that he likes them to make you feel better. It's called a white lie. Anyway-How can you spend your life with someone if you can't talk to that person about serious things? Why would you want to spend your life with someone who you can't seem to talk about serious things with?Really think about that. Also, serious conversations such as the situation you are in should not be done on text. That sort of conversation is reserved for face-to-face, or by phone at the very least. You say that he doesn't want children, but he should still be more supportive in the sense that women are very sensitive about the issue of bearing kids. He should have been a little more sensitive about it. Please do not feel like damaged goods, many women face infertility issues, and that does not make them damaged. Best of luck, and try and maintain your health!
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male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 I understand that this must be a shock to find out and it's never a nice thing to hear. You are still young so there is plenty of time to think about the child thing. There are other ways that you can have children. You could always try a surrogate mother or maybe even adopt if it felt right. If you come to a time where you feel that you really want children, I would advise that you talk to a doctor about possible ways and they can have an in-depth talk about it confidentially to you.Ideally that talk should probably involve your boyfriend. There always comes a time between a couple where they will have to talk about children. The best thing you have right now is his reassurance that he still loves you and is going to support you all the way. He does want to help by the sound of it and you can't really afford to ignore him on this. Any decisions you make will have a great affect on both you and your boyfriend so ideally you will need to sit down and discuss it at some point.As for the earring, you could ask him if he liked it or not, but the times he has worn it, has it been on special occasions? Sometimes people don't get the right presents for each other. It shouldn't be something that really effects you, I know you'll feel a little annoyed that he doesn't like it but I'm sure there will be or has been a present that you haven't overly keen on. Hope this helps, even just a little bit. Stay strong and take a big think about where you want to go.
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