A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i was 16 when i first met him (my ex), he was then 20. he was perfect for me, a drummer, he matched my personality and character, took care of me and was all i ever wanted in a man. however, he smoked, had a nasty temper (although he use it only once on me on the day we broke up). i was affected that he shouted at his parents frequently (whom he said were unreasonable and did not respect him) and lied alot.we broke up after 2 years. because towards the end he didnt seem be care abt mi, no sms, no phone calls or dates were of his own initiative. he was late even for dates. he said he took mi for granted and was very sorry. we had our own fair share of fun and laughter. but my parents didnt like him because they said he was scary and not christian. i was depressed, smoked and cut myself. soon, had another relationship with a girl, who i'm was sorry to disappoint. even thought she loved mi alot, i couldnt bring myself to love her back.i then went on with my life, only to find myself liking my current bf, doesnt smoke or drink and is honest and great to be with. who was working in the same restaurant as me (both of us were part timers). he was a bit of a flirt, however when we got serious, he stopped flirting. now we're 3 years and steady, no plans for marriage because we're still young 22 years old this year.i heard my ex bf moved on, having 3 relationships after mine. but all were failures. he said he only loved mi, could not bring himself to love others. he got very depressed. so did i, i'm not sure why. i think about him daily, he keeps telling me not to be unfaithful to my current bf, by thinking of us.i've met my ex bf a few times, only to find myself getting more nostalgic, and wanting to see him more. i feel horrible, when i look at him abusing himself by smoking, nt eating, being depressed. i wish i could go back to him and relive the happiness i once had but i feel that i cannot cheat on my current bf who is very loving and understanding towards me. my bf knows abt our meetings, he asked mi to go back to my ex a couple of times because he felt i was cheating on him. recently, i caught my current bf flirting with another girl online (chanced upon the conversation while using his laptop), but i confronted him and he said it was nothing serious. there was no other evidence that he was going out with that girl. i believed him. somehow, i miss my ex alot, he refused to be friends, or even for me to treat him as a brother. he said either lovers and nothing. i think he is insanely jealous i'm with my current. i think i still love him. i feel like a ping pong ball going to and fro between two men. very confused and sad.
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 Hi there, From reading your first paragraph about your ex-boyfriend, I find myself wondering why you think he is so great. Is it that the relationship was osrt of co-dependent? That you wanted to take care of him, and felt he needed you andyou wanted to be there? This, ifso is not healthy, in my opinion. You need to care about a person and have them care about you without the dependency factor. Your ex also has a few issues that he needs to deal with before he can be a loving partner, the way he treats his mother could be an indication of how he would treat his girlfriend or wife. Disrespectful is not good. The boyfriend you have now seems to be repectful of you and your feelings, do you not think that you deserve this? There was also a mention of you cutting yourself, if I read it right, I would hope you have stopped this if you were doing it. Otherwise, please find a good therapist to talk to, not such a good thing to abuse yourself. put the ex-boyfriend out of your mind, it really did not appear to be in total a good relationship, I agree with the other responder, we sometimes see perfection when there is not.
Hope you see you way through to appreciating you current boyfriend, and letting the memory of the ex fade as it probably should for many reasons. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): I've gone through this exact situation (heck im still going through it -.- ) It;s not easy and I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. In the end someones going to get hurt. Heres what you need to do. Think about what YOU want not what anyone else wants or needs what makes you happy? DOnt think about hurting your bf or comforting you ex. Only think about wehat you want and need in your life.
Your current boyfriend does sound better than the ex. Remember dont dwell on the 'idea' of this perfect relationship you'll be having if you go back to your ex. Thats not how it'll be. It'll be like it was (to an extent) but harder. You've both gone on and done other things and been with other people. It cant ever go back to exactly how it was. Remember why you and you ex broke up. Think about that. You might just be making your ex into this wonderful fantasy thats not the reality. Your boyfriend seems good to you and nice. Dont throw away a Prince for someone that might be bad for you. Think about who really is the better person and whos right for you. It all comes down to what you want. Not Them.
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