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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I parted ways with my long term partner about a year ago. He hurt me a lot but was honest I guess by constantly telling me that he was not in love with me. I suspect that he had someone lined up after he met me because he was involved again pretty fast. My problem is that I just do not see myself getting back into the game any time soon. People tell me I am attractive and fun but I still feel like a little part of me died when this long term relationship ended. I was rejected and just do not feel like the fun loving vivacious girl that I once was. I would like to be with someone again but I guess that there must be a few things wrong with me so I do not want to chance it...do not want to put myself out there again. I was with my partner for a long time so I guess I am afraid of getting hurt yet again. Any suggestions on how to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2006): Hi there, I am in your age group and I understand where you are coming from...as we get older and know more about who we are and what we are looking for it seems to get harder to find it so sometimes we settle in with someone who is not right for us.
If this man constantly told you he did not love you, it is not that something is wrong with you, but it is with him really because love is not a feeling, it is a conscious decision to committ to being a loving partner to another.
He just did not make the choice to be a loving partner to you and that may have been based on timing, or a difference in lifestyle or values and not that there is something wrong with you.
That little piece of you that died when he left is just your attachment to him, you did not lose a peice of yourself, you are still a complete person with a little hole in her soul....and the best way to fill that up is to do for others....get out, pay attention to people, listen and choose to care and do good in the world and love will be returned to you by the load full, and when you are happier, you will attract others to you and then you will have more choices as to a life partner....don't settle for a poor relationship, wait for a great one, it will come, and I believe that because I have had a few and I know what I am looking for and I have been oh so close, so I know he is out there somewhere...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): Thanks everyone.....have a cool yule.
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female
reader, Emistar +, writes (22 December 2006):
well i think that you should forget all about him. i mean he must have wanted a new girl soon if he went straight into a relationship. break out of that hard shell and go looking for a new guy. hes got a new girl so why can't you have a new guy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): don't understand y would u be hurt a lot if he has been telling you that he doesn't love you for quite sometime. I mean gal, it's that obvious enough this will be coming?!?!?
anyway, it's all over now. Accept that fact. i don't advise on getting into the game so fast anyway. Just be open... Go out, have fun and make friends. Fullstop. when the right guy comes along, you don't even have to make decision, your heart will lead the way. Follow your heart.
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A
male
reader, JackalGaz  +, writes (22 December 2006):
 Well being 21 i do not want to come across as condecending but your mature and wise so this is a big help. Is this your first heartbreak or have you had others in the past? If you had others look back and remember how strong you had to be to get through it. Everything happens for a reason and you just can't see the good that will come out of this yet, noone can. A year on may still be too soon but ask yourself whether your ex is feeling the same? Is he putting his life on hold? I can understand that you feel a part of you has died alot of people on here have had heartwrenching encounters including me but we all have to learn to be strong and be yourself. Excluding yourself from living is only your responsibility so have a long think, write down all your positives on a piece of paper and say to yourself "Yes, i am attractive and fun and i will enjoy my life"
What hurts you can only make you stronger and i wouldnt even contemplate thinking about getting hurt, You can control how slow or fast your next relationship is to see how you go on. I would also suggest that you go to see a councilor as i sensed that you may have a low self-esteem at the moment.
I hope this helps you in some way and Good luck in your endeavours. Take care Gaz xx
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