A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The last few months I've started meeting up with coworkers from my old job. They're great, really friendly and are a good laugh. However I'm starting to get concerned about the way I am around them compared to my other friends. I've only had the one group of friends for the past 9 years. We regularly hang out and go on nights out. However the girls of the group are quite introverted and I'm the more confident one of them. They have a maturity that I have not yet found and so even though they enjoy going on nights out, they tend to prefer nights in with a few drinks/house parties or going out for dinner. Which is fine, I enjoy these too but sometimes I feel like going out to a club or whatever and never really get the chance to do that unless I tag along on the 'lads' night. That's why I've been really enjoying spending time with these co workers. They are 1/2 years younger than me (I'm 20). At work I was quite quiet and kept myself to myself. I wasn't at all confident which stemmed partly from the workplace bullying I received from certain people (not them obviously) so I think they've seen a new side of me in terms of confidence when they are out with me. However, for some reason with them I takes a while (and some alcohol) to break out my shell on a night out whereas with my older group of friends, even sober I'm pretty confident. I'mnot sure if it's just a case of getting more comfortable around them or not. Since my grandad died 9 months ago I feel as if I've lost myself. It sounds a bit cliche I know but I'm struggling to accept and figure who exactly who I am and what I want to do etc etc. My behaviour with my coworkers is not overly different (at least not when I've had a few drinks) but I feel myself trying and doing things that I normally wouldn't, when with them. For example, they all smoke and so I would go out with them to the smoking area to save me being on my own. They asked if I wanted to try and I accepted. I've never been against smoking but have always said it something that I have no urge to try, especially after my grandad died from excessive smoking. But for some reason, I had the urge to try it just to say that I've done it. I still have no urge to start smoking even after trying it. I feel like a complete "goody 2 shoes" when I'm with them and even said to them that I'm "too much of a goody 2 shoes to smoke". The horrible thing is when I wake up the next morning from the night out, I feel really embarrassed. I think because I was this shy person at work and they all laugh at how different I am from work I feel like they're laughing AT me or that I've maybe embarrassed myself.I'll also stress that this Isn't them pressuring me to do things I dont want to do. They made it perfectly clear that if I didn't want to do it, it's fine. But I do it anyway.I'm not sure if it's just because they are different kinds of people to my other friends and so I'm in a different comfort zone and have the freedom to do what I want without being judged or told it's a bad idea or if it's changing me as a person and if it is what kind Of person is it changing me into - not necessarily a bad one but a changed one that may potentially lose my older friends due to change in interests.Sorry it's so long. My question is- do I keep hanging out with them on fear of losing myself even further or strop and try and get the remainings of old self back and fix whatever is broken in my mind right now?I like these coworkers, they are lovely and I enjoy hanging out with them but I feel like a different person with them compared to when I'm with my other friends and I don't want to be that. I want to be the same around everyone!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 August 2014):
 You know the answer to your own question; Having a good time doesn't have to involve doing things that are out of your normal habits. Take smoking for example. When I was young you just were not cool if you didn't smoke. Years later I had a stroke from the smoking and I wish now that my cool days were not so cool. If I knew then what I know now I'd have made different choices. I'd recomend you and all younger folks would take 30 minutes and try to forsee what they would like to be or have in their mid-life days and even after that and plot their lives out accordingly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2014): Make sure your courage isn't coming from the alcohol. It's good to have different types of friends. It's fine to enjoy hanging-out with the people you work with, but be careful not to make a fool of yourself trying to make them like you. They will laugh at you behind your back, although they seem cool to your face.
You just feel like blowing off some steam, and you feel more at ease with them. You still need your other friends who do things less risky and low key. No matter who you're with, you should be yourself. Don't clown or push yourself beyond your values to make anyone like you. That isn't necessary.
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