A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:is it to much to ask my for husband to involve me in his son's(my step son)life? like what ever decision he makes with his son's mother at least i should be notified. i feel horoble by me demanding such a thing but i thought it will make things better that way, i mean if i know every thing then i wouldn't feel left out or something. i feel it will ease my bad feeling i have towards her. i can't stand seing my husband talking to his son's mother. i am not sure how to work this one out please help... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (13 October 2007):
 I agree with Friend Tom. I would also like to add, as having experience of having stepparents, that it is perfectly alright for you and your husband's son to create a relation on your own. My stepparents did that and as an adult I now feel very happy they inserted this extra dimension of having had grown ups so close who treated me with love and respect and also taught me to respect them. When the son stays/lives with you of course it is your business what is going on since you are one of the adults in the house making up rules about the life there. It is only good for the kid, I think, to learn that he has to be considerate of you even though you are not his mother. You don't say his age and what kind of decisions you want to be part of though, so it is hard to give specific advices on how to do this.
The jealousy towards your husband's ex-wife you must get over though. That will not do good in neither your relationship to your husband, nor to the kid.
Wish you luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): You don't say, but I assume the son is living with you and your husband. I think your request is reasonable. You are involved in the primary guardianship as well as the boy's father. You should be included in decisions concerning him. Explain this tactfully to your husband, avoiding anger. And work on your own feelings as well. As long as the boy is a minor and your husband's responsibility, he will always have reasons to talk with the mother. You should be able to accept this.
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