A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m gay and have been going out with my boyfriend for six months now. We met online and everything seems to be going well – we recently returned from a lovely holiday and have even talked about moving in together. I do genuinely care for him and I think he feels the same way. However, I can’t help but feel insecure – my boyfriend has a promiscuous past and has slept with possibly hundreds of men. Although I am glad he was honest enough to tell me, I can’t help but feel uneasy about it. To make matters worse, when I googled my boyfriends email address, I found that he had an online dating profile on a website for swingers – although he has not put up any new adverts since being with me, I have noticed he frequently visits the website. Moreover, he continues to describe himself as single, and there are a number of naked pictures of him, in poses designed to draw attention. I don’t feel comfortable with this at all, and really dislike that he has such pictures up. I’m even more furious that he continues to visit the site – what is he visiting it for if not to have random encounters? I doubt he has cheated on me, because I see him very frequently, and speak to him every other day. But this does little to comfort me when I know that he’s still checking his online sex profile. I don’t know how to confront him with this information without damaging our relationship and coming across as intrusive. He will clearly think I’ve been spying on him.
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cheated on me, insecure, met online, nude pictures, swinging Reply to this Question
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male
reader, pet70  +, writes (27 March 2010):
I had a very similar situation a couple of times in the past. What you have to understand is that all these little anonymous sex strands started to form way before you met him. It is a consequence of our new internet lives that we lead. Whether you know about them or not new lovers will undoubtedly have accounts like these that could still be open.
You say you googled your bf's email address. That just shows you are not prepared to trust his OR your own judgement calmly. Being nervous about the whole thing is totally understandable. And it's acceptable as it shows you care about things going right for you both. The other reader who answered this question is right; if it's eating you up you have to be honest with him. Get it out in the open. The fact that he told you about his promiscuous past is evidence of him being prepared to tell the truth. The biggest mistake you could make is to carry on spying on him, because it will turn into an obsession and ultimately ruin your young relationship. And don't forget, that is exactly what you have with this guy, a young relationship. It takes more than a nice holiday, a bit of honesty, and talk of moving in together to make things perfect. Time does that.
Also remember this, gay culture has always been freer with sex. You need to understand that a promiscuous past is a promiscuous PAST. Maybe he needs and wants to change so that his future is more focused and meaningful with one special guy, like you.
It's been a few days since you posted this so I hope you managed to sort things out. If not, the only damage you are going to do your relationship, and yourself, is being silent without having dealt with it.
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): As soon as he knows you really love him he might stop going on the site. He might of slept around for the comfort or because his sex drives through the sky If eating you up inside then speak to him
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