A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am dating my ex' boyfriend's best mate, Tim. Tim was the one who asked me out and made all the moves. He has now asked me to go out with him officially and has told me that he loves me, but he has still not told my ex we are together and it has been over two months now. I have had no contact with my ex for three months, we had a relationship for one year three years ago and then were on and off since then. I have confronted my new man about telling my ex several times and even threatened to leave. On Saturday night I was at his place and we made plans to have dinner together and hang out. Then my ex text him asking him over for a few drinks and he said yes. So I went to leave stating that I was mad that he was blowing me off and he got upset and rang my ex back and cancelled. What do I do? I feel insecure about his feelings because he says he wants to tell my ex but he hasn't had the courage! I'm starting to think maybe he doesn't care about me enough to start our relationship without this stress. Also seven months ago his wife of six months left him (he is legally separated) so I'm wondering whether he is afraid of committing again or maybe I'm a rebound thing. Other small problems are that he has made comments that I should dye my hair brown as I am blonde and he prefers brunettes and since his wife left he is paying his bills alone and so I end up paying for most of our dates. But despite everything I am falling in love with him, we have the same values and goals. What shoud I do?
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male
reader, mattharmon17  +, writes (25 June 2007):
well having been on the other side of this kind of situation i hope my experience helps. i dated my best mates ex for a while and he never knew, his ex was almost paranoid about him becoming part of her life again and it was because of this reason i didnt tell him, i used to double book my self, trying to keep both my mate and his ex happy. in the end his ex bumped into me and my mate in town and just told him there and then. he was a bit shocked but didnt hink anything of it. what im trying to say is maybe you need to tell him if you bf wont, if he isnt telling him it doesnt mean he doesnt like you or his feelings have changed, it may just be he is caught between 2 people he likes and doesnt want to hurt either of them.hope this helps
A
female
reader, Keykee  +, writes (25 June 2007):
Okay, well maybe he doesn't want to hurt his friends feelings,and u will have to give him time to think it over, u guys should be sure this is serious ,before laying on ur ex ,especially since u two were on and off. and on the same token be careful with that because it seems as if he's taking friend's feelings into more consideration than yours and that would be a problem for me being that I like to be # 1 but u need to decide that, Another thing changing the color of ur hair "small problem" that sound like a BIG PROBLEM to me.He should accept u the way u are, Good luck sweetie
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