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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: How can I be a better person? Hello aunts I suffer from anxiety - depression and obsessive personality diagnosed when I was young - long story short I have a lot of inner issues that I want to resolve and attack . One of my main issues which I have been like this since I was 16 is panickI over react and panick at everything that doesn’t go right - my mother is the same way and I have caught on to her bad habits - I get a ticket I panick - I get a bad meeting I panick - I get into a relationship and the guy doesn’t respond I panick - I can’t keep calmI am also very negative - I see things as “ehh whatver” I don’t trust myself and I don’t believe I have the power to make good things happen in my life - I have all the skill set a job - degrees - health but somehow I don’t believe I am capable of much I don’t h destand how I am this bitter - lifeless woman at this young age and I feel that there is so much negative in me that it might be too late to even start - it’s been a decade and a half I have been like this and it gets worse as I get old since I don’t have the house - the car and the guy I would want to haveDoes anyone have tips on how to start? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, louiselistens  +, writes (28 February 2018):
 Hi anonymous writer,
Sounds like you have been in a tough spot for a while now. Anxiety and depression are not laughing matters. They are challenging and effect thousands of people everyday, stopping them from living their life to the fullest.
The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone, no matter how often you may feel it. Many people suffer the way you have been suffering and a lot of people have managed to pull themselves out of their negative spirals, there is hope.
There is no easy fix, change takes time. Although it might be hard to stomach, the best way to tackle anxiety is to meet it head on. When you get into a situation that makes you anxious and you get through it okay you will learn that those situations are harmless and that the only power they have over you is how you perceive them. Overtime the feeling of anxiety will shrink, gradually, until you are able to cope well in most situations.
Talking about these feelings and how they effect you can also help. Try reaching out to a trusted friend or family member who you know will listen or perhaps try counselling. By being able to speak freely about your feelings of negativity and anxiety to a supportive and non-judgmental listener, you can start putting those feelings into perspective and discovering why it is that you feel that way and what you can do to change it.
Remember, no matter how low you get, you are a trained working professional. You worked hard to get there, you are a capable person. Try and think on that and other achievements in your life. Try and focus more on the positives too. Life is never as bad as it seems.
All my best
louiselistens
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2018): Often bitterness comes from trauma, disappointment, and hopelessness. You are very correct when you mentioned that you inherited some of this from your mother. Parents can pass-down their most negative personality flaws to their children. Some things are learned, and some are genetic. Parents guide and shape our development as small children. Their behavior, values, and words make impressions on us that last a life-time; when it comes to our upbringing. There are mental-health disorders that can be passed-on genetically. So it's not always a matter of fault or blame.
I always go back to my spiritual roots when I feel myself getting negative, cynical, or bitter. I have to maintain a system of beliefs and maintain a core of ethics. Have a belief in something good and divine.
Sometimes you read or listen to the news, you witness cruelties and atrocities carried-out by people daily, and you start to feel anguish and despair. I reach-out to my religious leadership, I pray, and I meditate. I surround myself with like-minded calm and sincere people. I give of myself and help others who are less fortunate. I can't always focus on myself and feed into the mindset that bitterness brings. I have to see beauty, be a part of change, be thankful for my blessings, and help others.
Nobody's perfect. We all have a dark-side, and we have to expose it to the light. You have a mind, body, and a soul. You have to take care of all three, my dear.
God bless you, and I shall pray for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2018): How about therapy? I'm not talking (only) about the meds. Bur proper work with a specialist. Would you be posting here if you had a decade long toothache? No. You would have gone to the dentist's long before it got "that bad".So that's where I would start - therapy.Now, there are some things you can do to make your life better. Observe yourself, act instead of react (panicking whenever something disagreeable happens). The negative thoughts your having provoke or nourish unpleasant emotions (fear, self-hate...). But they are JUST thoughts not facts. Sometimes than can be so automatic that you cannot really see them as thoughts, so what you do see or rather feel is your reaction. There are good days and there are bad days for everyone. Everything changes. Your attachment to certain habits is causing you grief.Find a cognitive therapist and educate yourself. In the end we are the only ones who can really help ourselves with help, of course.
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