A
female
age
30-35,
*OTELEARNER
writes:I have been in a relationship with a guy since a year now. I am in love with him and I know so is he. However, I am an extremely emotionally dependent human, unlike him. I have always felt like I am investing more in this relationship. But to think objectively, he is just like this with everyone. He makes minimal efforts to leave his house and meet even his friends, let alone me. We speak on the phone almost daily, but i would like to meet him more often. Most times its not possible for me , but days when it is... I know asking him would be a waste because he likes staying back at home. There are many such instance where he makes me feel like he isn't interested. But he tells me how everyone concludes that but actually it is just him being lazy. He is hoping I can be understanding of this "issue" of his. But I cant help but feel like I like him more than he likes me. In fact he said there are days where he himself feels I am investing more than him. Should i be breaking up with him because I deserve better? I don't want to! I really really like him. But then what is a solution to this Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2018): Does he work? Is he happy with his work and does he get along well with his work colleagues? Does he have anger issues. Is he mature and takes interest in what is going on socially and politically around him? Or is he childish and gulible? Does he have any hobbies or interests? Does he have any plans for his future ? Is he addicted to video games? Or is he still attending school and maybe he is busy studying? It is really difficult to give you a sound advice without knowing all these details.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2018): It might be possible he is dealing with depression. Someone his age shouldn't be so "lazy." Maybe your guy has a drug problem. Too much boozing or indulging in recreational-drugs makes people very lazy! He's the exact opposite of a party-animal!
Some people are natural-born homebodies, and do prefer staying home. That doesn't offer much of a social-life, and definitely isn't conducive to an active or romantic love-life. No dancing, no dining out, no parties, or movies? He won't even visit his girlfriend?!!
How old is this guy? Retired and in his late 60's? Is he on a fixed-income, or unemployed? Does he live with his parents?
If he's the intellectual-nerdish/techno-geek/baby-man type of guy. He prefers video-gaming over romance. He's probably gaming; while you're on the phone, pouring your lonely little heart out! He gives you an ear, maybe sends some messages? Not his heart and attention; nor his time and presence. Why are you settling for so little?
Is this one of those long-distance relationships, where he lives down the block, or just across town?
It's unhealthy to be too emotionally-dependent on anyone.
That smothers the life out a relationship. You won't keep any boyfriends long, if you're needy and clingy. You two make quite a mismatched-pair. One clingy, and the other-one distant and indifferent. Wow!
If a guy outright tells you that he thinks you're more invested in a relationship than he is; I think he's breaking-up with you! He's basically waiting for you to dry-up and fall-off out of pure frustration.
He's conducting a relationship by telephone. If you don't come to him, he won't come to you.
What do you love so much about him? You only talk to him on the phone!!! If you're not miles apart, he has no excuse.
Time to free yourself from this blase-lackluster relationship. You're carrying all the weight. Hanging-on for dear-life! For what? Shear force of habit? Dependency?
My dear, that isn't a relationship! You're much too young for this nonsense!
Sometimes translating into English loses the intended meaning. DO you mean you're the emotionally-involved, affectionate, romantic-type of young-woman? Be that the case, you are truly wasting your precious time! He has relegated you to the friend-zone. You just won't accept that.
Extremely emotionally-dependent means...well, it just means "clingy" or "needy." Neither is good!
He even admits everyone thinks he's lazy and disinterested; and I'm not sure what you like so much about him. He has nothing to offer you. He doesn't come to see you or take you anywhere.
It appears your guy is either just not into you; or you're infatuated.
The remedy for both situations is dumping him like a hot potato! You do deserve better than a phone-in relationship. You have to tone-down the neediness first! You'd have guys hiding-out to avoid you!
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