A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this girl 12 years ago. I had already been in 3 relationships my relationship with her. My first relationship lasted for 2 years. But it feels like she is the only girl that I have ever truly loved and the only girl I will always love.Anyway, this is my story with her. When I met her I was a virgin, she tells me she was a virgin as well. She never said yes or no when I asked her to be my girlfriend. I persevered for 6 years, and when I was about to give up, and accept I will never be happy, she came around and said yes. By then I had moved to a different country. We dated, long distance, I would get a flight ticket every now and then to go visit her. Those were the best years of my life. She treated me well and her family had accepted me, my siblings loved her too, all our friends loved our relationship. They could not wait for us to get married.After a year and a half in the relationship, I moved back home. I was still a virgin, and she tells she was also still a virgin. We never had sex for the entire duration of our relationship, but we had spent nights together, I didn't even know how to ask for sex, even though I was 24 years. It didn't bother me even though at times I felt like asking, I didn’t know how to. At the time, I was thinking about marriage more than sex. I had even started saving for our wedding, she didn't know though. One day we came back from a date, she drops a grenade and tells me she doesn’t want the relationship anymore. She did not give me any explanation and she blocked my phone number.I was devastated, I wished myself dead every day for almost a year. I feel like a part of me died that time, and I will never get that back. I had a brilliant memory, I could remember movie conversations word for word after watching for the first time, I didn’t need to study hard at school because I could remember my lessons. I lost that, even to this date, I am forgetful. I have accepted that I have lost that ability. Weird thing happened, on exactly the same day a year after, my father passed away, I guess that is my bad luck day. She came to the funeral and that was the first time I saw her since the day she left. We didn’t talk about us. She disappeared again. Two years later she sent me an SMS saying "I am sorry for everything I made you go through". I told her not to worry because I had forgiven her a long time ago. The thing is I never stopped loving her, I still do.Anyway, more than two years later I lost my virginity. I didn’t enjoy it and I regretted. I got in a two weeks relationship, followed by a two months relationship, then a four months relationship. Then I decided to quit relationships. I felt guilty because with these other girls I didn't feel devastated when the relationship ended. Regardless, I didn’t cheat, they cheated, then I left. I don't believe cheating is a mistake. I am very strict on that, you cheat me once I leave, because I know I will never cheat. After all this, I still loved that very same girl, some nights I would cry because I missed her.Three weeks ago she called me and came to my place. We spend the weekend together. And since then we have been spending our weekends together at my place. We haven't had sex, even though we slept in the same bed together. She told me she is not a virgin anymore. I suggested making love to her last week and she said no. I still love her so much but I don't know how she feels about me, and I do not know what we are doing right now. I don’t know if we are back together let alone how she feels about me. She confessed that she feels safe only when she is with me, makes me wonder if she going through something and I am just convenient.It bothers me every day, and I feel like she ruined my first sex experience because it was supposed to be with her. I wish I had made love to her and only her. How do I find out how she feels about me before she walks out again? Or how do I tell if she is going to walk out again? I want her to stay and I still wish to build a family with her. How do I make sure of this? How do I tell if she ever felt anything for me or if does feel something for me now?
View related questions:
long distance, lost my virginity, still a virgin, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2018): I'm so sorry I hit send twice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2018): I believe there are two major things that you need to deal with; so you can move-on.
Lets talk about the first thing. She has developed a close friendship and fondness for you. If she liked you in a romantic-way, she would have given you signals and encouraged you in someway over this many years. She never did. She even refused sex with you after she was no longer a virgin; because she has never felt romantic-feelings for you. You are infatuated with her to the point of obsession. You have to outgrow that sort of emotion; because it's useless when she doesn't reciprocate the feelings you have for her.
The second thing is; you have placed her up on a pedestal as the only girl you will ever love. Kind of a useless gesture; if she doesn't share those kind of feelings. You're not the only guy she ever loved. You had another opportunity to see if she has feelings for you; but you got rejected. So it is time for you to outgrow the schoolboy crush; and man-up to the reality she's a beloved-friend, and nothing more.
You have somehow over-romanticized the connection you had with this woman. I think you may as well tell her how you feel; so she can tell you in her own words what her true feelings are. You don't seem to get the hint that you're probably not her type. You do seem like a very sweet, gentle, and loving type of guy. It's just too bad that those girls don't realize what a jewel you might be. You really never gave them a chance; because you weren't really into them.
Perhaps they may have picked-up on the fact that you were emotionally-unavailable; and just going through the motions, while you longed to be with somebody else.
If you've ever shared your story about her with other females; they knew there was no chance with you, and they also knew you were not there in mind and spirit. Just physically-present and wasting their time. Technically, they didn't cheat; because you were with them in-person, but your heart wasn't in it.
Females are highly intuitive and sensitive to emotion. It's hard for them to figure-out if we truly love them; but somehow they do know if you like somebody else! They sense when you're emotionally-unavailable or yearning for some other female. They are like this; because they get suspicious when you don't seem eager to be with them. Burn them once, and they suspect every guy thereafter!
The ladies do not like knowing you've got some other chick on your mind, while lying in her bed.
It is time for you to grow-up and be a man. You can not carry-on this infatuation indefinitely; while denying yourself the opportunity to be loved by someone who cares deeply for you. There is no such thing as only one person you could ever love. That is unrealistic boyish-thinking. You owe yourself so much more, and better than that.
It doesn't matter if she "ever" felt anything for you. If she doesn't feel that way about you now.
You're a rare type. I think you are being saved and stashed-away for someone very special. She's not the one; but the one you deserve is making her way to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2018): I believe there are two major things that you need to deal with; so you can move-on.
Lets talk about the first thing. She has developed a close friendship and fondness for you. If she liked you in a romantic-way, she would have given you signals and encouraged you in someway over this many years. She never did. She even refused sex with you after she was no longer a virgin; because she has never felt romantic-feelings for you. You are infatuated with her to the point of obsession. You have to outgrow that sort of emotion; because it's useless when she doesn't reciprocate the feelings you have for her.
The second thing is; you have placed her up on a pedestal as the only girl you will ever love. Kind of a useless gesture; if she doesn't share those kind of feelings. You're not the only guy she ever loved. You had another opportunity to see if she has feelings for you; but you got rejected. So it is time for you to outgrow the schoolboy crush; and man-up to the reality she's a beloved-friend, and nothing more.
You have somehow over-romanticized the connection you had with this woman. I think you may as well tell her how you feel; so she can tell you in her own words what her true feelings are. You don't seem to get the hint that you're probably not her type. You do seem like a very sweet, gentle, and loving type of guy. It's just too bad that those girls don't realize what a jewel you might be. You really never gave them a chance; because you weren't really into them.
Perhaps they may have picked-up on the fact that you were emotionally-unavailable; and just going through the motions, while you longed to be with somebody else.
If you've ever shared your story about her with other females; they knew there was no chance with you, and they also knew you were not there in mind and spirit. Just physically-present and wasting their time. Technically, they didn't cheat; because you were with them in-person, but your heart wasn't in it.
Females are highly intuitive and sensitive to emotion. It's hard for them to figure-out if we truly love them; but somehow they do know if you like somebody else! They sense when you're emotionally-unavailable or yearning for some other female. They are like this; because they get suspicious when you don't seem eager to be with them. Burn them once, and they suspect every guy thereafter!
The ladies do not like knowing you've got some other chick on your mind, while lying in her bed.
It is time for you to grow-up and be a man. You can not carry-on this infatuation indefinitely; while denying yourself the opportunity to be loved by someone who cares deeply for you. There is no such thing as only one person you could ever love. That is unrealistic boyish-thinking. You owe yourself so much more, and better than that.
It doesn't matter if she "ever" felt anything for you. If she doesn't feel that way about you now.
I think you are being saved and stashed-away for someone very special. She's not the one; but the one you deserve is making her way to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 February 2018):
 It sounds to me like this girl uses you as a comfort blanket. She knows you love her and she is using that so she has someone to show her attention. Have a talk with her and tell her it is all or nothing, but honestly OP I think she is only going to leave you more hurt again.
...............................
|
