A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I'm getting mixed signals from this guy, and just wanted to get some outside opinions. I'm sorry if it's a bit lengthy, I just want to give you the 'full' story, so you can tell me what you think.I've worked with this guy for well over a year. We work in different departments, so we really don't interact that often there, but we've always gotten along pretty well. We were both in relationships when we first met, and I've been through several boyfriends since then. He had been with the same girl for several years, then they broke up like 5 months ago or so. My last relationship ended about 2 months ago. I was always mildy attracted to him, and we always flirted with eachother (I'm a rather flirtatious person), but I honestly never had the desire to pursue him. In the time we've known eacother, we had gone out to get drinks after work (with other employees) many times, but a couple months ago, he started asking me personally to go out after work. Then he started texting me (we never communicated over the phone before), and then he started texting more often. I didn't think anything of this really.One afternoon, during this time of increased interation between us, he and I were joking with eachother, and my manager came and asked when we were 'just gonna go out already.' I said jokingly: "Well I've been trying, but he's not having it!" Then later that evening I got a text from him saying "I'm sorry, it's not like I'm not attracted to you, I'm just not looking for a relationship right now." I laughed it off, and explained to him that I was just kidding before. I think he might have felt a little embarassed, because he was kinda standoffish after that. But it wasn't long till we were getting closer again, and then we started hanging out outside of work, just the two of us. It was always him who would initiate the get together. Then with every time we'd be together, we'd get a little closer physically. Like he'd start putting his arm around me, etc. But he never made a move. Then after that, he started sending me really flirty text messages while he was at school, like "hey sexy..." and then while at work "you look pretty today." During all this time I had started becoming genuniely attracted to him. So the next time he came over to my house, I kissed him. And he kissed me back. Since then, we've slept together twice. He asked me to go out with him on a 'real' date, and we had a really good time. But the weird thing is, ever since we first kissed, he's been texting me less, and asking to see me less. I mean we still talk, he still comes over about once a week, and he still gives me 'the eyes' at work.If we're just friends with benefits, that's fine. I haven't been single that long, and I'm really not too concerned with relationships right now. I'm just wondering what he's thinking. If he just wanted me for sex, you'd think that he'd be calling MORE now, not less. And the last few times we've been together, he's really affectionate, but he hasn't tried to sleep with me. He kisses me goodbye everytime he leaves. But now I feel like he's less concerned with seeing me outside of work. I'm usually the one now asking if he wants to get together. A lot of times he says he'll call me, but he never does, and apologizes the next day with some reason or another. He used to text me randomly throughout the day all the time, but he doesn't at all anymore. He keeps telling me he wants to make dinner for me some time. I made a joke yesterday that I was sleeping with someone else, and he said that would be "F***d up."He just seems so hot and cold. Is it just me? What do you think he sees this as?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): It looks to me like he doesn't even know what it is that you two are doing. And since you said he just got out of a long term relationship 5 months ago, it seems like he's unsure of himself as a newly single guy. Maybe he's testing the waters with you and he doesn't know how to act. If you're saying that you don't mind it being a "friends with benefits" kind of deal then maybe you should tell him. Be up front with him to avoid wasting your time and his.
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