A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’m a black female currently enrolled for my master’s at a very prestigious university in NYC. We are only 3 black people out of 120 in my class.I’m having quite a hard time making friends. I mean, everyone is kind and cordial but that’s about it. It is a common occurrence to have my classmates pretend to not have seen me or quickly look away if they are at a distance. I tried smiling and talking to them first but I’m tired of feeling like I’m going so much out of my way to make friends. I really want to make lasting friendships here at school. Im very interested in other races and cultures. Lately I’ve been feeling kind of bummed out about not having anyone to talk to so I decided to only go to school to relate with teachers regarding school work. It is a very lonely experience hearing everyone laugh and have a great time, but seem uneasy when I join in. How do I handle this situation? Thanks
View related questions:
university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2018): I dont think it's related to your skin color, to be honest. You're at a prestigious college. That says it all. People who go there are snobs. Snobs tend to think they are better than others and look down their noses at everyone else. Start to ignore them and pretend to be better than them, and I am sure they will include you in their snobby cliques soon enough. The questions is why do you want to be friends with such people? Find friends off college, they will probably be much better friends and much more interesting people.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2018): Thank you all so very much! I appreciate all the answers and feel much better about all this. It’s a lovely and calming reminder that I’m there to better my future, puts everything in perspective.
I’m positive I’ll be ok now.
Thanks again!
...............................
A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (24 February 2018):
I'm a mixed race female and did my Bachelor of Science degree at a multiracial UK university. I made just 1 friend throughout my course. It wasn't a race issue I'm certain of. By nature I'm a friendly, outgoing person and never struggle making friends generally but I struggled at university and up until now...i can't work out why?
I graduated yay! But spent most of my time at university alone. I studied alone, attended classes alone etc it was hard my freshman year being alone but I reminded myself constantly, that I was there to create a future career not to make friends! I'm lucky in that I enjoy my own company, even when I was a child, i used to create my own fun. Yes I have friends and enjoy socialising but I'm perfectly happy on my own too.
So I enjoyed university on my own and made sure I created happy memories. Now when I look back, I smile and have good memories. University is not forever especially masters degrees. As you know time at university goes soooo fast and before you know it, it's graduation. So please don't let this get you down because its not forever. This will pass and next you'll be in an amazing job with new faces and potential friends. P.s congratulations on getting onto the Masters! I'm yet to get that far myself so a big well done to you!x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2018): It's terrible that you're feeling like this and I can totally relate to feeling alone. I've used two apps previously that help girls find friends (and nothing more). One is called Hey Vina, which is solely for finding friends. Another is Bumble, which has a "BFF" option, rather than dating. Perhaps give these ago?
Or, like another person has mentioned, maybe join a few clubs that you're interested in? Or start a study group with your fellow classmates? You may be shocked to find out that they're feeling the same way (although this isn't highly likely).
I hope things work out for you!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2018): Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this. My first initial response to reading this, is that you shouldn't have to make an effort to get respect. If they don't respect you in the first instance, why would you want to be friends with them?I am at university in the UK, and here we have societies, such as figure skating, drama etc. Are there any societies you could join to meet like-minded people?Also, I use a website called meetup.com which is a site for making friends via social gatherings such as nights out, cinema and so on. It might be worth a try if you're feeling lonely.
...............................
|
