A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I found out the man I really liked and had feelings for was just using me as a booty call. He didn't tell me this, though. He promised me the world. He told me I was his girl. This went on for months. But it turned out he had a girlfriend already! He didn't even have any intentions of telling me this, I found out by accident. And when I did uncover the truth, there was no apology, nothing! In fact he made me feel like the wrong one! He told me to leave him and his girl alone, (as I contacted her once to let her know what was going on, as I thought she had a right to know).But she wasn't interested to know she was dating a player. I think she may have stayed with him, I don't know, and I don't care, she can do what she likes, I'm just glad I'm not with him any more, such a jerk!But I don't understand why he didn't just tell me the truth! I feel used now! If that was me, I would at least have the decency to accept I've done wrong and apologize! but I got no explanation!I feel pretty hurt (for being lied to by someone I cared for a lot) and stupid (for not being a bit more suspicious and reading the signs).I'm feeling so low.help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): your advice has been useful! i will date a guy for a long time before ever giving up the goods in the future. i've definately learnt my lesson!
and i will be very wary of players!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): Ya know, you cannot be a "booty call" if you weren't giving up the goods! Maybe you should actually wait til your in a REAL relationship before you sleep w/someone! Sorry you got played, because I'm sure it hurts, but start guarding your heart!
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (27 March 2009):
 I dated someone who did the same thing to me. I, like you, was hurt and devastated. I felt so used, it really hurt me for a while. It's been quite some time now and I'm over it. I actually feel relieved, and you should too. My ex (can't even call him that) is now married to that girl and he still cheats and runs around on her. I feel and know that I dodged a bullet. If I was in a relationship with him all kind of girls would be calling and telling me they were with my man. This is what's going to happen to her coz once a cheater always a cheater. I know you feel used and hurt but it could be worse coz you could be her. At least you found out and walked away from it. As for him not a apologizing, my guy didn't apologize either. They are jerks. And guess what he's a lie, his apology will be a lie and it shouldn't make a difference to you. Just be happy you're not with him anymore coz you deserve better - and that's a man who will be true to you and only you, a man who will love, respect and honor you.
It hurts now but you'll get over it. Don't waste your time analyzing what happened and why it happened. It is what it is and you just have to move on coz there's something better for you.
Good luck, if you want to chat, pliz email.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): There is no explanation of some people and their actions, I guess if you looked up player in the dictionary you would see his picture.
I am sorry you had to find out like this and it came out of nowhere. You didn't deserve that.
But according to experts there is something you can do to protect your heart against things just like this, because men do lie, not all of them, but a lot do.
See, I am guessing you had sexual intercourse with him, I can tell because you feel cheated on and have strong feelings for him.
What you ought to try to do, that is if you are wanting a relationship with a man, is to withhold sex, or wait to have sex for at least 6 months. If that seems too long and the relationship is progressing through the stages of intimacy more quickly at least 90 days.
See women and men are wired differently. When women have sex, we bond to that man chemically and it stirs up very stong feelings in us and as the sayin goes, love is blind.
So for that reason you want to keep your wits about you and give yourself time to soush out a man and see what his true intentions are. Because men will act like they are in love with you merely to get sex, men are motivated to do almost anything including lying to get sex! So to weed out the players from the guy who is a great guy and is really wanting the same thing from you as you are from him, and emotionally connected relationship, he will wait to have sex. He will respect you more, trust you more and be challenged by having to win you over. Men love the chase almost as much as getting that cookie, sex. And if he really likes you he will be happy just to be in your company.
That doesn't mean you can't be sexual with him and make out and go to second base or a little more, but withhold oral, and full on sex.....until you have a bond of friendship built up.....Sometimes we all have sex too soon, and sometimes luckily it doesn't make a difference or run the guy off who is trul interested in you, but even then it can cause problems and make a guy freak out and back away from you. If you do find that you had sex too soon, it is important how you act after the fact. Don't automatically assume you are a girlfriend, dating exclusively or have the right to call him and ask him out....let him lead the direction of the relationship at least for the first couple of months, then by the 6 month mark you will probably know where you stand with him....so give it some time and continue to date others while you are at it.
So that is my recommendation to avoid it in the future and I am sorry you ran into a jerk....it happens, but he is the one who lost out, not you....
Take care
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