A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know really how to explain the situation, it's really kinda complicated this might be a little long but I'm not sure really what to do, I'll try to explain it as best as I can. I met this girl last year around this time. At the time she was married and still is in the process of getting a divorce and still live together but seeing different people but anyway me and her really hit things off we got along great. We talk to each other all day and hung out almost every day as well. Eventually we started hooking up with each other and things stayed the way they were for a while but we were not going out with each other... after a while I asked her if she would want to go out with me and she would give me an answer saying she can't right now because she has a lot of things going on in her life so I was like ok well let's just keep things the way they are. So a month or 2 goes by and I ask her again and she tells me basically the same thing. After that I kinda feel like I'm wasting my time by waiting for her to say yes that she will go out with me and I'm not sure how she even feels about me at the time. We ended up getting into argument and she would tell me saying she doesn't want me to leave her and stop talking to her and I would reply I'm not even sure how you feel about me and I feel like I keep waiting for you and I'm wasting my time. She would say let me see you one more time before you go, so I of course say ok and go and see her and she tells me how she feels about me. She told me she loved me and she thinks about me all the time and misses me a lot. I guess that's what I wanted to hear at the time so we started talking again and hooking up but still we're not dating. While we were talking I feel that she doesn't really love me the way she says she does. I feel like she never asks me to do anything with her or her friends and she doesn't really show me any affection, basically I feel like I put more into the "relationship" then she does. I feel like I'm always the one to ask her if she wants to go see a movie or go hangout or something and that kinda hurts me and bugs me because it makes me think that she doesn't feel the way she told me she felt and I'm constantly thinking about that. I've told her how I felt many times. Last month we got into a argument about all of that, about us being together and how she feels about me and stuff. We ended up not talking for 2 weeks. She sent me a email telling me this is hard for me not talking to you or seeing you and I didn't respond.3 days later she sends me another message saying ok well I guess I really see how you feel about me. I'm like wtf so I call her and she ignores all my calls, I try texting her and get no response so I sent her a text message one day saying how I really felt and she told me I hurt her by not responding and she is over me, and she doesn't want to talk any more or anything. Well something clicked in me and made me panic and I started feeling sad and wanted her back really really bad so I finaly got her to answer her phone and basically spilled my guts to her telling her how I feel and she said she doesn't know if she can do this any more since we are always fighting and I hurt her by not talking to her and ignorning her and she said I never asked her out and I responded I asked you out multiple times and you gave me the same answer each time. She said you never asked me out the right way, I was like ok fine I said I was sorry and I don't want to lose her, I want things the way they were and she said she would have to think about it.Well that night she starts texting me like nothing happend so I thought things were going to go back to normal. We started talking agian but just felt kinda awkward I don't know. About a week goes by and I haven't seen her but we talked still and I asked to see her and she said she was busy... I'm like ok how about tomorrow she said maybe, I'll let you know.... well she never let me know but when I would text her sometimes she would always be doing something with one of her friends like she doesn't want to make time for me to see her or something. So 2 weeks go by we still talk on the phone and text each other. I ask to see her again and she tells me she can't, she has a job interview, I'm like ok fine, I told her you have been spending a lot of time with your friend and she replied uhh ya she is my best friend so I stopped asking to see her to see if she would ask to see me. Well it's been about a month now and she has yet to ask to see me. We slowly started to stop talking I wanted to see if she would talk to me if I stopped calling her and texting her. It's been 3 days and we have only said about 3 things to each other over text messages, she told me she broke her phone and sent me a message on myspace saying she misses me a lot but still hasn't talked to me or asked to see me. I'm starting to get annoyed.Honeslty she is confusing the hell out of me a lot. I don't know how she feels about me, I feel she likes me because every time we get into a argument she is always asking me not to go and she tells me she doesn't want me to leave her she can't stand not talking to me or seeing me.... my friends think she is using me but doesn't really feel like it since we have known each other for about a year now. I do like her a lot and think about her all the time and I don't want to see her go as well but it might be the best I'm not sure. Any advice would be great or tips or anything.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 It sounds to me that she is very confused too. You mentioned that when you met her she was going through a divorce and I would imagine that even a year later she probably wont be over that yet hence why she wont commit to you.She is probably keeping her options open, wanting to play the field a bit but she likes having you in the background to call when she feels like it. Your friends are right, she is using you but you care too much about her too believe that she would do that to you.My advice for you is to stay away from her, dont give in to her and dont contact her, even if she contacts you. Maybe contacting her one last time might be a good idea to tell her that it is over and that you dont want to hear from her again. That way you will at least feel some closure otherwise you might still feel there is some chance that she might wake up to how much of an idiot she has been and come back to you. But if you do try this then you have to be sure your strong enought to really finish it, even if she begs you not to leave etc.You have to believe that you are better than this and deserve someone who wants to be with you, there are plenty of girls out there who will treat you a million times better than this. Take some time out from girls, see your friends and family and then eventually the right girl will come along when you least expect it. Just dont waste another minute of your time thinking about someone who doesnt deserve you!
A
male
reader, TimLSY +, writes (5 December 2008):
Similar thing happened to me, she left me for another guy and I let her go (we weren't really in a "relationship" either, because I wasn't ready to commit after having been out of a long relationship) then she got mad why i let her go, I'll cling on and then she'll tell me to leave her alone, after a bit of clinging if she doesn't change I'll leave and then she'll go hyper and hold on to me, same cycle for 4 months. In the end, we both went crazy and she finalized things and she immediately moved on to the next guy.On the other hand, from her perspective probably your story is her story, since before all that I was the one not ready to commit (just like your girl was) but I still sometimes asked her to stay if she pulled away. Only thing is I always just asked her to give me some time, but anyway in the end things blew up and she left.My advice: if you don't want to end up like me, stop thinking about her and never contact her unless she does. Even if that means moping in bed and being depressed all day just do that now and save your dignity, better than doing that later in case she dumps you first after even more drama. Don't give in to her games - you're also confused, if you continue to give in and the situation continues both of you will be so pissed off at each other that even things that might work won't work.If she never contacts you but you still want to see her, still wait some more until you'll be able to face her and not have an argument. Contact her and give her the ultimatum, if she comes back to you great if she leaves you and you waited enough you can be calm enough to part your ways and if she's already with someone else, well hell she ain't worth it.
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