A
female
age
30-35,
*allory mae
writes:I went on a date last week with a guy and made an inappropriate comment. I mentioned it being lady's night and the ticket would be less expensive. He said, "you're saved" and I said, "not me, you." He began to laugh but more like a damn haha laugh.I want to explain that my ex bf had me very accustomed to old fashionedness. If I was walking in front of him and I opened the door for myself he would say, "are you the man? let me open the door for you" If I called him first after going out he'd say "you're being the man now?"So it's been a week and he contacted me yesterday but I took a while in replying to his "Hi, how are you?" and he hasn't spoken back. My comment has stayed in my head and I can't help but feel I need to apologize. But I contacted him three days after our date and he wasn't very talkative. I don't know if my comment made him be less interested. Please, help. Thanks.
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female
reader, mallory mae +, writes (15 September 2013):
mallory mae is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your advice! I don't feel bad about my comment anymore as I tend to over think and over analyze. Thinking back on him now I realized we really didn't have anything to talk about. Just TV series and not even my all time favorites :(
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (8 September 2013):
 I don't think you said anything wrong, sounds like you said it as a joke anyway. Most men do believe they should pay on the first date anyway! Maybe you two just weren't suited. It always hard when things don't work out but I've been on many dates where we just haven't clicked and you have to just say oh well and move on... :)
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (7 September 2013):
 I don't think you said anything wrong. It sounds like maybe you two just didn't click, aren't that into each other. That said, a data at a movie theatre doesn't give you much of a chance to actually talk and get to know each other. Did you get the impression that he's a quiet or shy person?
Your ex does sound bossy. I would almost say controlling. What, you weren't allowed to call him first after going out? That is very "old fashioned" - and unusual.
Good luck OP, and don't fret about what you said. I don't think that was a make or break comment.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 September 2013):
 I see nothing worng in your comment. I think you are just so used to your EX bossing you around that you over analyze everything.
However, if a guy doesn't contact you within 3 days then I think he is just not that into you. The fact that he didn't even reply to your text makes me think he really isn't interested. I seriously doubt it was that ONE comment that made him think you two aren't a good fit.
Stop beating yourself up.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 September 2013):
It doesn't seem like it should be a big deal, so I wouldn't worry about it. If he thinks it's a big deal you should be happy to be rid of him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 September 2013):
 Your comment IS inappropriate if the two of you always carry on analytical, stoic conversations as a matter of "course."
If the two of you are less than grim and absolutist about every word that comes out of one-another's mouth... then he should - and you should - treat this as a light exchange that isn't worth a whit of concern by either one of you....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 September 2013):
 Okay. I agree he is a cheap skate. On this site I am not considered old fashioned but when it comes to dating etiquette, I still am.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (7 September 2013):
 I don't think your comment was inappropriate, and if he took offense to it then you're better off without him. If he's turned off by not wanting to pay for your half price ticket, he's a cheapskate and he's not generous at all. I think it was inappropriate for his comment. I'm a bit old fashioned in this regard, but if a guy is not willing to pay in the early stages of a relationship, it does not bode well for him as a future mate.
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A
female
reader, mallory mae +, writes (7 September 2013):
mallory mae is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thank you for answering Janniepeg but it wasn't a bar we went to. We went to the movie theater. He was very much into going to the movies. Don't know if that makes it any different.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 September 2013):
You invited your date to a lady's night, so you were supposed to pay for yourself. Although a gentleman should have no problems paying for you. When he suggested you pay either he wasn't into the bar scene or he wasn't that into you. Maybe he didn't like the idea of going to lady's night because he got a date already, and he had to spend more to be in a noisy place not being able to get to know you better. I think being old fashioned means that even when you two are totally strangers the guy is supposed to pay. Your date didn't feel like he knew you well enough to dole out on you. After that night he probably felt like he was made to pay but didn't enjoy himself.
There is no need to apologize. Don't contact him again. He is too passive for you.
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