A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last week i split with my boyfriend of 2 years . Yesterday my friend shocked me with some news , she joined a dating site for single parents as she is one, i helped her set up her account and started looking at profiles and thats when i saw my now ex boyfriend . It stated he had been on since before we split . He doesnt have any children so its creepy that hes joined a site for only single parents . He doesnt know we saw this and ive no idea what or how to feel . We didnt live together . The last day i spent with him he was on his phone more than usual. He was the one who ended things . This looks like he was seeing other people before ending things with me . I know people will say im better off without him and i probably am , but its hard knowing our planned future of marriage and kids has just been dragged from under me . Im not young and doubt ill get to have the longed for kids i wanted . i just feel down , i do have great family and friends who will help me but they can only do so much Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2017): I am sorry for your shock.
I think in this case you need some closure.
You need to call him up and ask to meet. Then go somewhere private to talk. Explain that you are glad things ended, and you are moving on with your life, HOWEVER, you were shocked and hurt to find out that he was cheating before the relationship was over.
I think he owes you an explanation of WHY he didn't end things first with you before dipping in to the dating site. Why was he SOOOO eager to get with other people before he had even the nerve to end things?
Just know that his answer will never be satisfactory, because, let's face it, he IS a cheater.
But if it was me I know I would NEED the closure of confronting him about this, and saying, "I know what you did when we were together, and that is so wrong".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2017): You are not unfeeling, and have yet to complete the process of detachment and getting over your ex. However; you were fishing around and stalking-down information about him; and in doing so, caused yourself a lot of pain.
Hey, I know the feeling when someone you thought you loved finds somebody else to share all the dreams you had planned for the two of you. Such is life, and what it really means is that person was not meant for you. He was only meant to touch your life, but he was not meant to remain in it.
You got ahead of yourself by planning out your future and seeing it as though it was reality, but it was only in the planning stage.
Your feelings are raw because those plans were carried out with someone else; but your destiny has also chosen someone else for you.
You don't see it now, but you have to let go and move on. Life neither started, nor will end with that man.
Life always looks happier for the person he dumped you for; but you only see things from the outside. But to be blunt, it's his business, not yours. You are the one who went digging, and opened a can of worms.
I met someone special and wonderful after I got dumped. It took two years, but he found me. I wasn't even looking.
Don't wallow in self-pity and misery over some freaking guy who chose somebody else. It's beneath your dignity to give some f*ck-wad that much power over your emotions.
Time will heal your wounds. Your heart is broken, but it didn't stop. It's still beating. We get over these things, my dear. I did, and I felt just like you did when I heard my ex met someone two months after he dumped me. He said I deserved someone better. Seriously?!! Then why didn't he get the f*ck out of my way, so I could find him? Only because fate wanted me to have someone to tide me over until the right guy came along.
Some people we meet are meant to teach us something, or to add something special to our lives; but they were to leave after a season.
I didn't know why my ex told me I deserved someone better.
Guess what, sweetheart? He was right! I met that guy! We found each other!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (27 January 2017):
 Thing is, you'll always make excuses for why you can't do it. An adoptee may never know their bio parents, but love and therapy can still help them through it - and you.
If you still want to be a mother, make the steps towards being one. Get into a stable position to be a single mother and start the adoption process. Maybe fostering to adopt would be a good way? There's no harm in trying!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 January 2017):
 I am so sorry your ex turned out to be so feckless. It's absolutely no comfort at the moment to hear anyone say that you are better off without him, as you are hurting too much to get your head round that. However, in time you will realize that he was just not for you, despite how he appeared on the surface. You are mourning the person you thought he was, not the person he turned out to actually be.
Re children, have you considered fostering? Social Services are always crying out for foster homes for children who, for one reason or another, cannot be at home with their parents. Most of these children so badly need stability and love in their lives. You could make such difference.
Sending HUGS.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2017): Don't worry, you are lucky he's out of the picture. Don't fret over lost time. That might be making you feel desperate which might have been why you were with him in the first place. Did you feel like you were settling?Don't ever settle for less. That doesn't mean that you never compromise in a loving relationship. But you'll know when a good match for you turns up.I agree with you, adoption is a long and arduous process. But in the end, it'll all be for the best. You can file your paperwork now itself. Find a good agency and I'm sure that in this day and age they won't consider a single self sufficient woman to be any less than a younger couple.Take charge of your life. You're in the driver's seat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2017): Im the op. I looked into adoption as my friends are going through this and its taken 4 years so far and they still havent had a child placed with them .im 40 now and some places want younger potential parents. I dont really want to go down the route of donor as i wouldnt want the child to feel 'lost' because they wont know their biological parent we wouldnt know anything about them as such so i wouldnt be able to tell them anything - no matter how 'the talk' would be saying they were wanted and loved still wouldnt fill that not knowing space and i dont have any male mates that would be in the position to offer this.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (27 January 2017):
First of all, it's never too late to have kids (before you're 70). Adoption/fostering is nearly always an option and you have that maternal desire, why does it have to be a blood relative, instead of a child already alive who needs a great family?It was dragged from under you when you broke up and this new information may hurt, but you can still move on. You don't have to be in a relationship to become a mother, if you're in a good situation to become a single one - either through a donor bank or adoption. I'd wait to start that until you're over him, though, if it's something you'd consider.
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