A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I met over seven years ago. Initially, we had a long-distance relationship and didn't see each other often, although we were very close. When my boyfriend spent longer in the UK, we committed to a relationship and discussed the future. At this point I made it clear that I needed to know if his feelings towards me ever changed. I was open about past painful relationships (without going into too much detail) but I respected it when he said that it would be disrespectful to talk about his exes with me. I already loved him deeply (though I was reluctaant to admit how deeply)and he had told me that he loved me. Although we had to part again, we continued our relationship and eventually I took the step of moving to his home country. While he was away for a week I went into one of his drawers (which was wrong) and found a letter he had written (but not posted) to his ex-girlfriend. I was annoyed because it was written not long before we moved in together. I translated the letter and discovered: she had been (and still was) married, the affair went on for some time, he said he still loved her and without her he felt only half-alive, and that she ended their relationship.I made him talk about her (but I didn't tell him I'd read the letter). He was defensive and said it was all over before we met. He admitted he hasn't really mentioned me to her because he doesn't want to hurt her(!) He says he loves me and wants a future with me. I feel hurt and angry that I have to compete with an unobtainable woman from his past who put him second after I've already more than demonstrated my complete commitment to him. I feel as though our past together was a sham and I feel sick inside knowing that he was obsessing about her while we were together and he was teling me he loved me. He says I'm over-reacting because I feel lonely in a foreign country and that he's never been unfaithful to me.
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affair, ex girlfriend, his ex, moved in Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mz Honey  +, writes (7 July 2007):
 All I can say is leave move on move out get out.You mean more to you then you mean to him.You are the only person in that relationship who is being honest and faithful.What I mean is this maybe he's not with in person but in his mind he is.He's with you because she isn't available she left him
to stay with her husband he didn't feel the same about him
So let me it to you like this he know's how you feel about him he's been there he know you would move heaven and earth
to make him happy.Because that's what he did to be with her
But it didnt mean anything to her she loves her husband the way he loves her the way you love him.people alway want what they can't have.And tell you this when a women leaves
a man for another man there ego cannot take it.That like telling a kid he's not getting anything for christmas....
He made love her then again he made not he's just hurt because she has chosen to grow up and respect the commitment
she made to God to respect her vows you take when you marry
What ever the case find GOD and you will find your self.
Once you find your self you will find that you love and
respect your self more then he love you and you are worth
more to any man then to allow them to treat you in the
disrespectful and dishonest way he is treating you.
Every women deserve to be with a man who will love them
with his whole heart and outside of God he will put them 1st
And from what I read so far about you!You sound like a good
women you have a loving heart and you are very giving to
the one you love.But start giving all that love back to your
self you will find a man who deserve your afection......
Believe in your self as God believe in you...........
A
female
reader, lubilu +, writes (7 July 2007):
i feel really sorry for you. you have given up everything to be with him and all he has done is lie to you. a relationship is based on trust. it was wrong to go through his drawers but however, you have found this letter that was written recently that basically said he loved her and given the chance would like to be with her. but yet he's telling you the same thing. for your relationship to move forward i would advise you come clean about the letter. at least then you would be able to discuss things and see were your relationship is heading. he may have been confused because you lived so far apart. maybe you'll find his feelings are true to you. i hope so. good luck
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