A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is rather embarrassing for me to ask, but I really don't know how to handle this. I've been going with my new boyfriend for a few months now and we finally decided to have sex. I feel so very shallow about this, but size is somewhat an issue here.My sex history prior to him has been really good. My previous boyfriend and I had amazing sex. I guess I'll just be blunt about it. He was over six inches and was thick enough that he had to wear magnums. When we had sex, it always was very tight and felt amazing. You could say that I got spoiled to it.So when I had sex with my new boyfriend, he's (I suppose) of average length (slighly less than five and a half inches) but his girth is..lacking. Even though I have done kegal-like exercises for several years (I heard that it helps in being able to better control the muscles and be more pleasurable for the guy in addition to it's pregnancy benefits), it still barely even felt there. I feel so very bad about saying something like that - I just feel very shallow. Now do keep in mind, reader, that I am a girl who believes that everything is important besides penetration when having sex. And I'd say that everything else was fine and very enjoyable. In addition, he's a great guy and blah blah you all know how it goes. Also just so I don't have to listen to people rant - I know that I'm probably larger down there than I would be if I hadn't had previous well-endowed partners. For all I know he might be thinking that it was too loose. He didn't complain, and neither did I. I understand it is just a bad combination.So in summing it up: Yeah the size is an issue for me, and I feel horrible for feeling that way. It isn't a deal-breaker by any means, but it's more of a disappointment - all the foreplay and everything then...well a lacking climax. It's bad enough that I hardly ever reach orgasm during sex (Not that I don't try - it is just very difficult and I never have one through foreplay) so the size has always meant a fair amount to my total pleasure. How do I go about handling how I feel? Just suck it up and be less-than-satisfied because of something so stupid but important? I certainly can't leave him over it - I'd never forgive myself.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 you've only been with him for a few months. i thought dating was supposed to be about trying different people, and ending it with ones who are not right for you? maybe it would be better to let him go and to find someone who is more compatible with him. his dick is not going to get any bigger so if this is a problem now, it will continue to be so.
if you DO want to stay with him there are other positions you can try to get that tight feeling, basically anything where your legs are held closer together ie feet at each side of his head, doing it from behind, the spooning position, you on top balancing on your feet though, not your knees (hard to explain these, but i know what i mean!)
so have try some different positions, get more foreplay, learn to love it! but if it still doesn't work then you should maybe break up and avoid wasting each others time. there are partners out there who will suit you (and him) better
x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): Thanks to everyone who has commented on my question. No, I would never be so cruel as to tell him to his face that this was an issue or his fault or that I've had better or anything like that. And I don't focus on the orgasm as the point of sex. Because it is so rare for me to have one ever (it really doesn't matter what one does or whoever my partner was - they've all had an equally hard time. I sometimes can't reach one by myself!)
For me the entire experience - foreplay, sex, and post-cuddling or whatever - is all equally enjoyed and appreciated. It just was different because I'd never had what I would call 'bad sex' before this point, so it surprised me. The first part was amazing, but because the middle portion lacked the final part lacked for me too.
I'm not really one for toys or things of that sort, but I am really trying to work around this for both of our pleasure.
Sometimes overall attraction is an issue as well. He is an attractive guy in his own right, but my sexual attraction for him goes in bursts if you will - sometimes I think he's just hot as can be, and at times I don't.
Regardless, I'll continue to give it a shot. I'm not going to break up with him over it or anything. If we're not meant to be together, other compatibility issues will make themselves known.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): You said you cannot cum any other way than penetration from a thick penis? Work on that. Lots of guys can't get a girl off with their penises but can do it other ways.
Don't get overly focused on THE GOAL, just learn to enjoy other kinds of stimulation first. You may find that you can cum some other way besides intercourse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): I hate to say this, but why settle for someone who cannot sexually satisfy you the way you like to be satisfied? If you're naturally bigger, I don't think an average guy will cut it for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): Don't think you are "shallow", or he is "lacking", or that the size is the issue.It isn't the size, yours or his.It's the lovemaking, and there must be more to it than what is written.You are not "stretched out and ruined" either because of your prior partners....obviously you haven't had a baby or you wouldn't think that at all."I know that I'm probably larger down there than I would be if I hadn't had previous well-endowed partners. For all I know he might be thinking that it was too loose. He didn't complain, and neither did I. I understand it is just a bad combination."This above worry is just wrong, plain wrong.First, you need to work on getting to know what works with him, for you, and you need to figure out what is going on between your ears that is leaving you like this. That second issue is the real problem.Am I some loser, posting on here? Could be, but I've examined a lot of women in my line of work, delivered babies, and these are women of all sizes and shapes.Plus, I'm average size, getting older as I pass into my late middle age, but I know what I'm talking about, and my wife does as well. Believe me, she's had much bigger than me, and children, and at no point in her life has she had anything like the orgasms she now gets...because of what is going on between the ears now...that is where the magic is.Now, all the women can jump on me and say how much size is the only thing that matters...But I beg to differ and my wife begs for me to deliver, and when she met me she said (about sex) it wasn't so special, she could take it or leave it.Not any more.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 August 2011):
 First of all, take comfort. It's not horrible that you're distressed over feeling the difference. Remember, there's more to life than just sex. If there wasn't, you'd be with your ex-boyfriend still.
Anyways, the time to get creative is now. You know what you have experience with, which is why your foreplay hasn't been producing orgasms for you. If your current boyfriend is adventurous, you may want to experiment with new positions and new methods of foreplay. Sex toys are always good...I don't know how you feel about them, but they are a pretty amazing tool, even with a partner.
Whatever you do, don't bring up "you're too small" and especially "My ex could satisfy me and you can't" in any way shape or form. This is an adventure with your new boyfriend. Tell him you're having a hard time reaching orgasm through penetration, and make him a participant in the solution. Don't even say "I've always been able to...." You will damage your sex life and your relationship if you go that route.
Another thing -- since the mind is the most important sexual organ, it's possible that you're simply used to how your ex pleased you, which could stem to unresolved feelings toward him. If that were the case, not even a 9" penis would satisfy you. So it's important to do some soul searching and rule that out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): I think it is already a problem sorry to say. I had the same with an ex and like you couldn't get round it. It's all about personal preference. Don't ever tell him this is why you can't be with him if it ruins things for you as it would destroy him. Be kind and lie.
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