A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, could you give me advice on getting back my ex please? Our relationship ended really badly. I was pregnant and we made the decision together that it was best to have an abortion because we thought we weren't ready and that our relationship would be better without a baby. Before I had the abortion I was having second thoughts and I told my then boyfriend that I'm doing this for us and we would definitely be ok and he was like yeah of course we will. Five days after I came out of hospital he finished with me on facebook saying he didn't want a relationship any more that he just wanted to be single - but he met someone else four weeks later and they've been together ever since and are all loved up. I found out that he was pretending all along and that he was going to finish with me the whole time, he was just waiting until I had the abortion. I have been very depressed ever since and I'm on anti depressants and seeing a phychiatrist. I feel like I killed my baby for no reason. I did it for our relationship and he tricked me the whole time. The thing is I want him back because I love him and I had an abortion for our relationship, not for him to go off with someone else!! I feel guilty and selfish every day for killing my baby and all I want is another chance so that I can say that I didn't have an abortion for nothing. What can I do, please help?
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female
reader, kaylagal  +, writes (12 April 2009):
 This is a very difficult time for you becoz of the break up and abortion but you have to realize it's done and you can't change it. Forgive yourself for the abortion and get over it - and also learn from this experience.
As for the guy, he didn't want the baby, he didn't want you, and yes, he did trick you into getting the abortion. It hurts but you don't deserve a guy like that. Let it go and move on. Best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Yes, this guy tricked you so you could get an abortion because he didn't want to have a baby with you and clearly because he didn't want you either. Immediately after he dumped you on facebook and has moved on and is now in a relationship with someone else. The message is very clear, he's DONE with you.
Yes, you had the abortion thinking it was going to save the relationship. Yes, you regret killing your baby. But what's done is done. You can't beat yourself about it. You made a terrible mistake - starting from getting pregnant by this guy who was not commited to you and also aborting. But you have to forgive yourself for it coz it's done.
As for you wanting to get back together with him, you honestly can't be serious - he tricked you to abort and then immediately dumped you. How can you want to be with a person like that. Your feelings were and are not mutual. He had moved on with his life and you have to move on too.
I don't want to be harsh but that's the truth. Move on with your life. He won't get back with you. He might be scared to get back with you incase you get pregnant again.
You have a lot going on right now. Take time to get over the abortion and off course him and then move on. You will find a man who is true and kind and good to you. This guy is not a nice guy and he doesn't deserve you. It hurts right now but in time you will get over it. Just learn from this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Wow this is a hard one..
firsly I sympathise with you about the abortion, but in my opinion you may have done the right thing regardless of whether or not you and your bf had stayed together. You really need to stop beating yourself up about this, forgiving yourself is the first step to recovery. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! dont let anyone tell you any different.
So you need to see this as two seperate events. You had and abortion, and then you split up with your bf. Try not to blame one for the other or relate the two. If you didnt have an abortion you would have split anyway and then been left to bring up a child up on your own.
Your ex sounds like he is immature. He finished with you on facebook after what you had been through!! He clearly wasnt ready to be a decent bf let alone a father! Also he moved on really quickly with this new girl which just shows his lack of respect for you and what you've been through. you really are better off without this person in your life. At the moment you probably feel terrible but i will 100% tell you now that you WILL feel better over time and meet someone far better, and when you do find that special someone you will then know its time to PLAN on bringing a child into the world.
Keep your chin up and forget about that idiot ex and start looking after number one. You are worth more than that and one day, sooner or later, the love of your life will come along and make everything okay. But before this, forgive yourself and learn to be strong on your own. Dont even try to get the ex back, its a long painful road which will only end in more heartbreak. Be strong theres more to life than this guy.
Hope that helps
Good luck
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