A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a great relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now, but I got into it right after I broke up with my ex of 8 months. My ex and I made a sex video that I had on my computer, and during the first few months of my new relationship, I watched the video a few times. Maybe 3 times. I eventually erased it about 5 months ago because I didn't want him to find it and I was actually kinda sickened by the thought of my ex, but now I am feeling bad that I watched it a couple of times during our relationship. Is that considered cheating, and should I tell him so that we have an honest relationship? I just know that it will kill him to even know that I had a sex video with another guy and that I watched it. I don't know if telling him would be the honest thing to do or if I would be doing it selfishly so that I wouldn't feel bad while he then was agonized over this info...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): Thanks a lot you guys. I appreciate the advice. I see that an overwhelming majority says not to tell him. I want to agree with you. I hope I can.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): Just this once, I agree with Laura! Well spoken girl!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Ask no questions and tell no lies.
Don't clutter his small brain with all those sordid details.
Don't plant the devil's seed in his mind,
for it will grow and crowd out all those good thoughts.
Get over those guilty feelings and move on.
If you realized it was wrong , then you are on the right track.
Leave the past behind for you cannot change them .
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (17 April 2008):
Hmm some people have replied saying that its none of your bf's business because what you did with your ex is in the past...well I agree BUT the fact is that you watched the video while IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP with your current bf, therefor bringing it into the present, so it has really become part of his 'business'.
I duno if I would say its cheating, but I would say its disrespectful to your current bf.
Should you tell him? hmm thats a difficult one. If I was him I would want to know even though it would hurt me.
And personaly if I did what you did, I dont think i coud live with the guilt. Yet by telling him it could totaly ruin your relationship. If thats the case then I would say maybe it just wasnt meant to be?? I think everything happens for a reason.
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A
male
reader, pyan +, writes (16 April 2008):
Hi
everyone has a past, and that were these are. i expect he has a past and not told you. put in the back of your memory
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Not a good idea to share this information. The past is in the past and is the best place to leave it - in the past.
Erase it from your memory too. Mention it to your current squeeze at your peril.
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Don't tell him. Telling him would be like telling him you feel guilty about still having feelings for your ex. It would only hurt his feelings and cause problems in your relationship.
-Jmo
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 April 2008):
What you did with your ex is no business of your current boyfriend.
If you want to tell him it's probably just because you are feeling guilty and want to feel better. All it will do in reality is hurt your boyfriend.
You were a bit naughty by watching and thinking about sex with your ex, but you did get into your new relationship a bit soon.
Think about how you feel now. You love your boyfriend and that's all that matters. Why do you want to sabotage your relationship?
Ask yourself where you see your future going and what you want from your relationship.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (16 April 2008):
If I was your boyfriend I wouldn't want to be told, you say yourself it would upset him to know so why bother.
I wouldn't consider it cheating. You realise what you did was'nt appropriate and you appear to honestly regret it, put it behind you and concentrate on the relationship.
I think some things are better left unsaid.
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