A
male
age
41-50,
*revor
writes:Hi, I’m a guy who’s 24 years old and still a virgin. I’m abstaining from sex till marriage but I have a problem I’m worried about. At a young age before I made the decision to abstain from sex till marriage I really got hooked on watching porn at a young age. I felt fine with it when I was younger, the only time I started feeling guilty about watching porn is when I decided to abstain from sex till marriage. Do you think that has something to do with why I feel guilty now? I even feel guilty masturbating now. What’s wrong with me? The thing I’m really worried about now is what do I do when I get sexual frustrated now that I feel guilty about masturbating and watching porn? Is there anything I can do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): Yes but to someone who has read the Bible and has a testimony of it, to them they know that there is the World's way-Soceity and there is the Lord's way-Religion.
The whole no man can serve TWO MASTERS.
He believes may believe in the Lord's way and thus the guilt and remorse. He, himself, may believe in this standard and teaching and way of life.
Your porn and masterbation has become a haibt-a part of how you are and how you think. If you really desire to break the habit-things need to change. Internally and externally. Regardless of religion or not-if it is something you feel, acknowledge, want and desire to do, it can be done.
It is evident this is moral and standard based which is influenced by a source that offers values that will make you happier and prouder in yourself.
What has gone undeveloped with giving into this natural man state and the desires was your self restraint.
There are men who do not rely on porn and who do are not overcome with the need to masterbate to release pent up desires.
I am sure they may struggle from time to time but they have a greater developed senes of self restraint and it is more there natural state-they are less motivated to be governed by lust, sexual desire and the need is not as pressing. They control it and not it controls them.
The human mind is capable of a many great things and can be used to condition the human body. An athlete demonstrates self restraint is evident as well as channeled desire that will bring about happines and acheivement with goals that are set and obtained.
It is done with hard work, commitment, dedication of mind, body, and soul/heart. Where there is a will there is a way.
There are group support for such addictions. It is a real and pressing societal and recognized as a problem many face and struggle with and desire to overcome.
I say speak to a local Psychologist who will support you and offer you help on this matter. They are better aware of what support is available and have techiniques and teachings on how to break this habit/addiction.
Best Wishes.
You can overcome it with the proper support.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): Unfortunately the same societal conditioning that has led you to delay your first sexual experience is at the root of your guilt issue with masturbating to porn, so that the two have to be considered together.
It is highly desirable that sex should be part of a caring relationship, particularly for inexperienced people. However it is not necessary that this should be a relationship certified for life by one or other religious institution. Waiting until you are married to have sex may sound charming and quaint but it is neither necessary for a successful marriage nor even commendable in itself, despite what you have been told.
The situation is aggravated because many young men who have been conditioned as you do not even date girls they are not seeking to marry; you must realise that going out with and getting to know girls is about more than just sex or finding a suitable wife. It is about learning how to relate to half the world's population and how you will relate to your future partner. Women are not just potential wives and mothers. They are people like you.
The pressure put on individuals by repressive religions is corrosive in the extreme, leading some men to be unable to relate to women on any level. There is also evidence that such repression figures in the behaviour of many men whose sexual behaviour becomes pathological in later life. Reading your post it is clear that you already see women principally as sex objects, a problem that you are exacerbating by using fake girls in the form of porn to get the sexual gratification a man of your age requires.
The only cure is to get to know some women and learn that they are of flesh and blood with feelings and desires, not actors in a play defined by religious fanatics. Date some women and treat them with respect and civility. DO NOT put any preconditions either to have or not have sex on the relationship. Don't be rushed into sex, but don't refuse it out of hand either. Some dating relationships are passing, some turn into friendship and some lead to sex. A girl is not better or worse because she either does or does not desire sex with you. It's just her choice.
Sex is not a performance sport, not is it a badge of honour. But if the woman, the moment and the feelings are right and you take appropriate care and precautions, it will be valuable. And it will be OKAY. The desire to have sex is good and healthy and normal for both men and women. Only the two people directly involved have the right to mutually decide whether they should or should not have sex, not religion or social pressure.
As for the masturbation, I think once you've got over the problems you obviously have with girls and sex generally, that issue will fade into insignificance.
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A
female
reader, JulietteElise  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 Congradulations on decideing to wait to have sex, this is a very huge decision and one many people today don't seem to appreciate, so its wonderfull knowing theres a guy out there who understands sex is important and shouldnt just do it to "do it." I belive that it IS because of your decision that you are now feeling guilty, but i don't think that you should have to feel guilty. There is a huge diffrence between masterbation and sex, mainly that one is by yourself and the other is with anouther person.... but masterbation, esspically for males, IS important and actually healthy (not to mention normal human behavior overall). If you didn't masterbate you would still "cum" in nocturnal emmisions (the "wet dream"), because otherwise, since sperm is continuosly being made, you would... well... "explode" in a very diffrent and not very good or comfertable way... so please don't be ashamed of masterbateing, for it is normal and fine weither you are in a relationship or not.as for the porn, do you know why this has made you feel guilty? is it just society telling you its wrong, do you have some type of kink that you are ashamed of, or just dont want to disrespect females this way? If its the last... well... these women (ussualy anyways) decided themselves to be "disrespected" in this way, and this does not mean you veiw women only as a tool for sexuality and so forth. As long as you aren't tottaly addicted to porn, or begin to think all women have to look or act like they do in porn (which has lead many people to confussion about what sex is, or at least could be) then i don't think there's any problem with it. However, though males are stimulated largly by visual means, you don't have to use porn to masterbate, be it a movie, online, or pics/mags. Just use you imagination instead! It's allright. Just remember that masterbation is normal, and its probably better to do that then have to clean up a mess in your bed when you have a wet dream. You are in control of how you act and behave, so just that you have used porn to masterbate dousnt make you a bad person (and i don't know of any guy who hasnt used porn... and many females actually use porn too), just stay kind and respectfull towards females in your life and then when you have that special women you can marry her and then finnialy have sex, but sex should never be soemthing to be ashamed of either when it is with someone you love and you both agreed. So don't be ashamed of masterbation, its natural, normal, and healthy even for just your sexual self-estteem.i hope this helpedhuggss!
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (15 February 2007):
 I applaude you for your decision to remain morally chaste till marriage. That is an admirable quality in a man such as yourself.
First you need to break away from the porn problem because that is damaging in itself.
After that mountain is out of the way you will need to busy your mind with more wholesome things.
To help with the porn problem I have supplied a link to a place that is a good place to start.
Don't be alarmed, it is a religious website but before you draw any conclusions see what it has to say. I trust the site very much myself and it offers very good suggestions.
If you have any other questions feel free to send me a personal message if you would like.
I wish you much success in your endeavor. Doc.
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2003/7/22/article_03.htm
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (15 February 2007):
 I think watching porn can be addictive and in your case potentially difficult because you'll start to get an idealised idea of women. Unfortunately very few of us look like and do what these women do. As for masturbating I bet there's not one other person over 18 in the country who can say they never do it. Masturbation is good. It helps you to discover how to make yourself feel good so that when you're eventually ready to have sex you can teach your partner how to make you feel good too.
CD
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