A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee and I are due to get married in 5 weeks, yet I have a gut feeling that it's not right. She is very sweet, but my feelings have changed the past year. I feel I may end it, but the same thing has happened to her before, where her fiancee left her before the wedding. She has hinted that if this happened again, it would "break" her, and that she "would never recover." I almost feel that I owe it to her to go through with our engagement, but I am not sure it's right anymore. Please help. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Hi
You better make your mind up pretty fast if the wedding is in five weeks, and stop dicking about. Obviously you don't really want to marry her or YOU WOULD NOT be writing to total strangers for our approval or disapproval of marriage.
Go get married and live a lie,then divorce later! not good.
Call it off and break her heart! not good.
Postpone the wedding, probably not an option...
Are you just a little scared and thinking if her last one did it, there must be good reason? ( wrong)
Think about the future you really want....but make up your mind soon.
A
female
reader, love reigns!  +, writes (9 August 2008):
 It was wrong of you to not mention your feelings of uncertainty the minute you were certain you had second thoughts about your relationship. How ever if she cares for you , she would understand and support you not indirectly manipulate you into giving her the 'mrs' title and a ring. What is more important to anyone who loves or even likes you is your happiness and comfort in life not just their own. You cannot be her 'god' so to speak and of you even left she would not 'break', she may be grossly dissappointed and suffer from the 'what's wrong with ne' or ' why me?' pity party for a while but unless she was already suicidal or spoilt...In the long run she'll be fine. Just remember that marraige should be for life, save yourself the divorce costs and her the extra time and humiliation. Does she want a weding or to be married. If you feel like this five weeks before the wedding, think about how you'll feel after 25 years. Do your self both a favour and let her know that 'after a lot of thought you've made up your mind' and getting married is not what you want. She may be angry at first but it's better to live your lives miserable. Noone should want to be in a relationship that the other doesn't. Show hjer some respect and come clean.
I hope this helped. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Vow, a very difficult situation to be in;
BUT
you CANNOT get married because you feel OBLIGED;
DO NOT get married for the wrong reasons; guilt and obligation are definitely not reasons for a marriage;
HOWEVER
I suggest you do make sure about your feelings; is it not just pre-wedding nerves?
You don't mention why your feelings have changed over the past year; did something spesific happen? Have you discussed your feelings or concerns with your fiancee? Is there smebody else?
If you do not love her you have to be honest and call the wedding of; if you are not sure about your feelings or want to lessen the trauma I suggest you immediately postphone the wedding;
You cannot get married if you are not sure about your feelings or the Future!
I SUGGEST:
You consult a counselor to help you work through your feelings and doubts; then make a decision;
Should you then postphone or call of the wedding; I suggest you invite her to also attend a meeting with the counselor and let the counselor assist you do break the news very gently to your fiancee.
This will be difficult but you CANNOT get married under these circumstances.
Best wishes and vow you will need lots of SMILES.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Marry in haste, repent at leisure. If it doesn't feel right then don't do it. It doesn't mean you have to break up with her, just not get married. It may be pre-marriage nerves or something and you could arrange it at a later date when you're certain it's 100% what you BOTH want.
I've been in your situation twice before and it ended in divorce both times. For me it was a bloody expensive business all told and I had to start my life again twice over. Don't fall into the same trap as I did and save yourself a load of heartache, not to mention a shedload of cash, and make the divorce lawyers get a proper job.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Well you either love her or you don't. Wheter she's been dumped at the alter before is nothing to do with it.
Just don't let the fear of commitment with the wedding only weeks away scare you off.
Try talking to her about your worries-she's probably nervous too.
Good luck
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