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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, Im nomally the life and soul of the party, always happy, never let anything get me down, but just lately ive been feeling really fed up, and miserable and I dont know why. I have a fabulous boyfriend and we are very much in love, we do anything for each other and do alot of things together. He really looks after me and its a really good realatonship, just lately ive been down and I think its taking its toll on the relationship as I dont know whats up.. Im now scared of losing him as im not the happy person he first met 3 years ago, but some boring miserable person that cant be bothered with things. I dont know why im so down as ive got alot that others dont have and feel really ungrateful. I cant seem to be happy about anything and its wierd. Ive changed and become settled but at the same time boring I guess, my man doesnt say anythign, but he must think that ive changed as im not as bright and sparky as as i once was.. Do you think its just the spark has gone a little and its not as new anymore ? Is this a phase and it will get better ? I dont want to be this miserable person but i dont know how to change it as i dont know whats wrong.. I have a good job, great family, things should be great for me but i really dont feel great and feel that im going to lose everything by being this way and am really down, i cant pin point why and i seem to always look for the down side to stuff when i never used to. I just want to be happy but cant seem to be happy no matter what i try i just end up in this strange miserable mindset.. Can someone please help at all, i really dont know whats up and i cant see how i can get back on track, i know this sounds nuts but im scared that im going to be so miserable forever now...Thanks.
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female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (28 June 2006):
 Hey girl,
You just described my EXACT situation from about 6 months ago - that really just freaked me out actually!
My BF was actually the one that woke me up to the fact that I had changed from my usual, happy, full-of-life, no boundaries girl to feeling down all the time, hardly smiling or laughing, enjoying being with him but not giving myself to our life 100% (also resulting from being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia didn't help). He was very very worried about me and bascially gave me the hard word (he didn't know how to handle what I was going through because I didn't know myself!) and told me I had to go and see someone.
I was shitting myself because I was so scared that I would feel like this forever and never get my 'old self' back. It was like I was trying to hide that I was feeling so down for no apparent reason from him and that caused things to get even worse. When he acknowledged that he had seen a change in me (and he was shit scared in telling me that because he didn't know how I would react) it was like a bomb went off inside me and I thought, yea, he's god-damn right! What the hell has happened to me!!!???
So this is what I did. Him and I went to see a councellor. He wanted to go with me because we have been in a relationship for 5 years so what I go through, he goes through too, all the way. So you do need the support from your BF to help you get through this patch AND YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT! It was so great talking to this councellor because we identified firstly the things that made me happy and brought my mood up (focus on the positives first) - painting, taking photos, having sex (hehehe), watching airplanes take-off, working-out etc. So for that week I concentrated on doing something that made me extra happy every day, so by the my next appointment I was in a good space and we worked on some of the things that could have been getting me down.
Honestly babe, you will be okay! Little steps and lots of support from you BF is what you need. If he understands that you are slightly 'sunken' at the moment then he can do his bit to help bring you back up by taking you out for good times, brightening up the house with flowers etc.
But it does start with you and your mindset. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!
Keep me updated on how things are coming along as I would love to support you through this too. :o)
xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): Well all relationships at the beginning are exciting, an adventure. It makes our pulses race, gives us something to look forward to.But after a while like everything else it becomes routine and somewhat boring. You can recognise yourself that things are not the same for you as they were. But don't despair we all go through life's little ups and downs. Maybe you spend a lot of your free time with your boyfriend? Having something else to look forward to like a night out with the girls, starting a new hobby or class. This might relieve your boredom and in turn make you a happier person. Don't dwell on it, get out there!
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (28 June 2006):
 I have your problem as well, I seem to have everything I could ever want or need but still am unhappy. Even when I think something will make me happy, when it happens, it never does.
I've realised because of all this, that it is my mindset that is the problem, not the things in my life. People with lives a lot worse than mine are a lot happier on a day-to-day basis, so I knew something was wrong.
This has been the case for me now for about 3 years and I've recently started to get some counselling. My counsellor thinks I may be mildly depressed and maybe you are too and someone to talk to might help you out a bit, help you see why you're feeling this way and help you come up with some positive thoughts about your life. Up to now, it's really helping me, even just to get things off my chest.
One of the main reasons I decided to do this was because my relationship with my fantastic boyfriend was suffering because of my unhappiness and low self esteem and motivation.
If you're on any medication that could affect your mood, speak to your doctors. Lot's of the contraceptives pills can cause depression so speak to him if you're worried.
Hope everything works out. Good luck
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