A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!! I have a question. I am a young looking 41 yrd old female who met a guy off an dating site last week. He was shorter than he stated in his profile, his teeth were more 'sticky outty' than in the photos, and he had this kind of 'swagger' and wide boy,' man about town' vibe to him. plus he did not make that much effort to dress up, and turned up in old jeans, trainers and a scruffy old jacket. On the plus side, he was kind, generous, funny, and treated me like a queen. I am no snob, belive me! but I felt ashamed holding his hand and being seen out with him, and wondered how my family would react if they were ever to meet him. I shouldnt; be getting feelings like this right? The thing is, he has his own business, own flat, and is funny, kind ,generous and honest about his strong feelings towards me, and I could quite see myswlf with him long term. He is pursuing me, but all I can think about is how he has this kind of ... laddish way about him, and I'm afraid he wil embaress me in fornt of my freinds by the way he carries himself, and I want to feel ok and proud walking down the road with whoever I am with. I feel terrible for feeling like this, but it's the truth. I also tend to find faults and put things in the way to stop myslef getting into a relationship, as I am a bit scared of getting involved with the wrong guy again, but my question is this. Is this a warning sign? or am I just trying to find things to put in the way and stop a relationship happening? Why do I feel uncomfortable when I picture him meeting my family and freinds? He is not a bad person, so what's going on? How do I deal with this? is my instinct trying to tell me something ?Thanks guys and Girls. xx Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your good advice!! you are right - at 41, I have got to get past this, and I am. he treats me very very well, is generous, tolernat, loving and kind. i think I would kick myslef if I let him go. I have also realised that I am addicted to high drama relastionships. This man is not. he is healthy emotionally, and I am not!! I am working through my issues. It is not everyday I guess, that you meet someone this trustworthy. I'm going to hang on in there, and stop finding faults. Thanks xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): I would say hang in there, have a few more dates and see how you feel. I am 44 so I know that good looking men, who are solvent and with lovely personalities are hard to find (sorry guys but its true).
...............................
A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (7 May 2010):
 Despite all of the "flaws" you've noticed, are you attracted to him? Worry less about how your family and friends will perceive him and focus on YOUR feelings about him. If he's a nice guy, but you're not attracted to him, there is no point in moving forward. If, however, you find that you really do feel something for this man and he is something special, you need to get over your fears. At 41 you're too old to be worried about what people say; looking for their approval is going to keep you single.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): I'm just a few years older than you, I would say that a man's personality is way more important, than his looks, to me how I was treated is what I would look for. Having said that I'm not you and if his looks are important to you and you feel that you are settling then I think you would be better off looking else where and I think the man in question would be better off too.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): I felt this way about my current partner. When we first met I found him to be somewhat unattractive in person, although he had great pictures (we met online too). He had a bad haircut, not the greatest teeth and he was quite short (although not shorter than me).
But like your man, he was lovely. Funny, generous and so respectful and in the end it won me over. We are now planning toget married in the future and I find him so incredibly hot. I cannot imagine not being with him.
Seriously, good men are hard to find. Despite his flaws, your man sounds like he knows how to respect women and in the end, that is all that matters.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 May 2010):
 If you are this worried about him at the start I would say it was doomed. Generally if you are critical of him now then all the things you don't like will fester and be added to as the relationship progresses and you discover more character flaws and irritating little ways. I could give you a lecture about being superficial, but I won't because I think you have to decide if you have a future with someone. Obviously this usually takes more than one date, but first dates are about working out if there is any potential between two people. I think you have identified that you would be embarrassed to be seen out socially with this guy and that will be a big problem as time goes by. You cannot expect the guy to have a personality transformation, a wardrobe revamp, a pair of heels and a set of braces to meet your requirements...some other lady may see through those faults. However by focusing on a man who is not quite right for you, there is a risk you will exclude opportunities to meet other men who may fit your requirements a bit more soundly.
...............................
|
