A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Okay I'm 16 and I'm gay... or bi (confused). And I've got something that I don't understand. So I'm hoping you guys might have the answer. So the thing is I only like porn when I'm turned on. And when I masturbate and cum; afterward I find it utterly disgusting and I have this nasty feeling deep down in my stomach and I feel all gross. I don't why but as soon as I cum I lose all feeling. And that happens to any type of porn. I'm curious to know why. And also kinda worried because I don't want to feel gross in real life after having an intimate moment with someone. Can anyone help?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): If at 16 you already know you're (probably) gay you've already come a long way. Despite the name, homosexuality is not just about sex. It's about loving someone who happens to be of the same sex as you. If you are anything like I was at your age you probably dream of hugging and kissing and holding hands with a boy you feel your heart is bursting for. This is a pure, lovely and incredibly deep and strong feeling. By contrast, porn — which is nothing bad in itself — is just about sex and masturbating to it might feel to you like you're degrading those pure feelings of yours. Well, you're not ! Love is love and sex is sex. They are two different things who can be experienced separately but who complement each other so thoroughly that sex, when shared with someone you love, seems like the purest thing on earth. And it is.
So enjoy sex for itself without shame or disgust and keep looking for love. They DO go together tremendously well.
Good luck.
[I'm 49 and I'm gay]
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Sex and masturbation are nothing to be ashamed of. Nor is using a masturbatory aid. No one bitches if a woman has a vibrator.
It is a taboo for men to have masturbation aids so we have to use the only real means available to us. Pornography.
It is the 21st century and it's time you learned to separate sex from love-making.
The actual act might be identical, but one is filled with mere lust and physical passion. The other is all that, with addend emotional connections to bring it to a level that casual sex cannot begin to reach.
But as good as love-making is... your sexual desire is gonna be higher than you ability to satiate it with an actual person.
Seriously the amount you are going to want it... it would not be possible for any human to live up to that desire as often as the desire calls for it.
It's a way of letting off steam so you don't explode or do damage to you reproductive system.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): I feel the same way and very rarely watch porn (a couple of times a year). There is a lot of pressure to like porn, but I find it an insult to beautiful gift we were given by our creator, it cheapens the act and is nothing like making love. That is the good news, I never feel guilty or wrong about being passionate with the one I love :) I hope in the end, you and I will find out that we were right all along.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): It's very common. Depending where you were brought up, you may have absorbed society's attitude that sex and anything to do with it is something shameful. Get horny enough and you'll ignore that and masturbate, but once you've dealt with the need, you feel guilty. That will probably continue until you manage to develop a healthier attitude toward sex. And yes, it can happen when you're with someone, which is why it's so important to wait until you're sure that sex is the right step to take in the relationship.
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