A
male
age
36-40,
*hinderface
writes:well hello there. i got a problem.so mostly the problem is that i have a baby. if i didnt have a beautiful redhead 7 month old little blue eyed toothless princess then i wouldnt be in this predicament.ive dated baby mama for about 3 years now. when i met her i just thought that we would bone a few times and then move on, mosltly because of my inablility to maintain a boner when shit faced haha, but no i drank a lot and she was a cocktail waitress at a bar that i went to. she showed me a lot of attention and she was hot, and she came onto me and i just thought she was trying to get a better tip so i stopped tipping her and she kept it up and eventually invited me over after bar one night. so weeks later were still hanging out... months later shes saying i love you... shortly after that we move in together... after a couple years shes pregnant... and now here we are. she lives with her dad who hates me because he wants her to make a baby with a rich dude, f**ked up huh? but anyway we moved from here to there, it didnt work out so we moved here and shes there while im here. so she has borderline personality disorder i guess, and its really hard to deal with, because if you've ever met someone with bipolar its worse than that. she loves me then shes trying to kill me (litterally) and anyway youll have to excuse me but im kinda drunk and its 5:30 am so whatever, but recently she "found" that i had done verious things while we had been "dating" such as looking at porn, (which she considers to be cheating) going to dating sites, talking to ex gfs, and checking out the no strings attached part of craigslist oh and a myspace that i made in total dedication to boobs haha. but the thing is that she didnt just find it. i knew this because she had a key logger on her comp. and was recording everything that i did on it. i knew this because something that i deleted came back on somehow and she actually knew what a key logger was before hand so i put 2 and 2 together, got 5 but then subtracted 1 to get the real answer... boobs. no boobs arent the answer, well maybe they are in this case.see she busted out the i love you card first. but she was still a cocktail waitress and she worked for the tips... sooooo much cleavage and my boxer briefs were longer than the skirts she wore. and she was texting a dude and wouldnt tell me what they were talking aboutand low and behold turns out she was f**king that dude... but before she met me she says, oh and about how me and her ex were the only people shes ever had sex with like she has always told me for like 3 years? yeah that was bulls**t i guess, turns out she doesnt even know how many people shes boned she says its probably up around 20 or more and im in the same boat i f**ked around for years and years but i never lied about it. but anyway we get in some argument about some bulls**t like a week or two ago and she starts talking about her sons teacher and how hot he is and how shes gunna f**k him and all this other s**t (through text messages to me btw) all while my phone is dead, so i plug this s**t in when i get home from work and i got like 30 bitchy ass messages talking about how shes gunna f**k this dude and the last couple were about how she was going to the hospital because she was about to have a seizure and turns out she's epileptic and that s**t adds to her crazyness but still thats some f**ked up s**t to say.and to the real point here turns out that while i was driving from oklahoma back to minnesota she was at the bar talking to some dude, i found out when she was texting me at work again and i didnt know because i turn the phone off and shes just getting pissed that im not answering and shes all like you dont even know what i turned down last night for you and now youre icing me?! i shouldve just soaked it up from him! and s**t like that so i message her back and shes back tracking and saying that i misunderstood what she said and s**t and tries to place the blame on me for old s**t that we suposedly got over according to her then we argue over text for a while before my phone dies, i get home plug that s**t in and i get a message that reads..."dude, my ex was just yelling at me now. i saw my phone light up and thought he had more to say, im glad it was you. im in a bad breakup vortex."now aint that some f**ked up s**t? it was timed at an hour after my last text to her and im positive that it wasnt meant for me.then after that one theres another on from an hour later saying..."sorry, wow really sorry not sleeping enough and getting that fixed no"so yeah. f**in bulls**t. i mean shes hot, but im hot too. i turned down two chicks at the airport yesterday because of her and turns out i couldve been f**kin on a plane. idk what to think or what to do. like i feel dead towards her. i dont care about her right now and i feel more insulted than hurt but i got that f**kin baby girl with her and i want more than a broken home for my baby and i dont want her next bf changing her diapers or giving her baths bc i dont know whos gunna be a f**king creep or whatever. so im in quite the pickle here guys...
View related questions:
at work, boobs, drunk, ex girlfriend, her ex, I love you, move on, my ex, myspace, porn, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Yes, you do have a problem. Though the problem is not the baby. The real problem is you inability to see the futility of chasing skirt every minute you get. When you have a partner and a child to consider. Right now your partner is also not showing you consideration either. It would seem you are both well matched. You both complain about who you turned down. No where do I see a commitment to talk through the relationship together. Although initially you called your daughter a princess later you used an insulting word to describe your innocent seven month old baby girl. Does she deserve that? And your mindset is ''on the prowl'' as much as your partner. Since when has ''turned
down two chicks at the airport''indicated a man with any class? Man up, start being a more attentive partner and maybe your
Partner will not feel the need to seek attention elsewhere. Talk to your partner, respectfully. Stop cussing and being argumentative, it would turn any woman off you. Be the man she thought you would become. Talk to her father respectfully. And stop chasing skirt. Put that energy into wooing back your partner. It's not how many skirts you can get, it's how well you can hold, care for and keep the ONE skirt you have at home that counts you as a man worthy of respect.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): I only needed to read your first two paragraphs, and KNEW neither you guys should be together at all - neither of you are in the right mind-set for any committed relationship, especially with a baby.
And yes, I did read the rest of your posting, but the fact is, the more I read, the more I felt my FIRST conclusion that neither of you should have gone any further than a few dates.
Sadly, you now have an innocent child who will depend on her Mother and you to provide a stable home environment, so she can grow up free from insecurities, and feel full of self-worth, and as much as you don't want your baby to grow up without two parents ( admirable) but this only works if the two parents love each other, and are not hung up on the type of behaviour you see written by under 18's on this site. If I had not known your age by the 'age tag' on your posting, I would have thought you were both teenagers. Any teenagers reading this, apologies, I know some teenagers are responsible, sometimes more than adults.
Getting back to you and your girlfriend, and this delightful little baby girl of yours, I think you need to both sit down, calmly without alcohol and TALK, really talk about what this baby means to both of you, what can be done for HER as she needs a good sound basis to grow. If neither of you can STOP thinking about having sex as though your shaking hands with someone, as I find your attitude, well at least in this posting, somewhat immature, you talk about sex as though it's just that, it's means nothing, the few minutes it takes, the exchange of bodily fluids, another body, move on. Is this really what you want for yourself and your child????
This is not 'stable' behaviour, and as for your girlfriend, a mother, still behaving as though she's free from responsibility, taking about sex in texts to you about some dude, as you say, is NOT good for this baby, not exactly a good role model material is it!
You mention she has tried killing you literally, and that she has some personality disorder, well the latter, I cannot pass comment on, as this information is based on your assessment of her, and in all fairness can be based upon how you both communicate, however, the potential ' physical abuse' you indicate, should NEVER, EVER be part of any relationship, if it is, or it's becomes a possible issue, then that should be 'DEAL-BREAKER' you cannot have a relationship and provide stability for your child, even if you want to, with the two of you so explosive together, you run the risk of physical violence.
We all have to take responsibility for ourselves, and stop looking to others as to why we are as we are, this only works up to a point, yes our life's experience and childhood affects us, sometimes resulting in emotional turmoil, but once over 20 if we know this, then it is up to us to do something concrete to improve ourselves, to become responsible for our own actions. Which you and your girlfriend don't seem to be doing - just because she behaves a certain way, does not excuse or mean you should be doing the same.
Please for the sake of this baby TALK together, although personally I doubt you are going to make one big happy family, as you both need to resolve your own personal issues first. My advice would be professional counselling, not only as a couple, to see if you can salvage something, but as individuals to work through why at your age 26-29 you see living a life of casual sex just because some female is hot, without forming any proper, grown-up commitment, is something you may have to look in to. Or perhaps not, as you may not see it as a problem, only I can assure you, if you go through your life seeing females as just a body to have sex with, eventually it will take it's toll on you emotionally.
Please put this lovely baby first, and stop this game play by text, act the adults, and talk, and if you can't work this out, then at least ensure your baby has all the financial support she deserves, give her the best chance in life, even though her start has not be rosy!
Jilly
...............................
A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 It does sound like a big pickle! To be honest it sounds like there is not much love lost between you guys. You are both seeing other people or if not flirting with other people and using this as a way to wind each other up.
You are both young and obviously have a desire to play the field and sow your wild oats. While this is perfectly normal when you are young, you have had a child together. If you didn't I would suggest you both go your separate ways and have fun meeting other peope(safe sex of course). But you've started a new life together. You now cannot put your needs and desires before the needs of your beautiful baby girl. She has to come before you needs for sex and relationships. I know you don't want a broken home for your girl, but the way your relationship is going it is not going to be a healthy, happy environment for her to grow up in.
It might be better to go your separate ways, as amicably as you can, and make sure you file for joint custody so you can both be there for you little girl. The most important thing to try to do is to work on being on good terms with your baby's moma. Try to work on being civil with her. If she trys to wind you up or says something abusive, bite your lip and don't rise to it! Just don't respond to that behaviour. Let it go over your head. If she says something about anothe rguy flirting with her or whatever, tell her that it's not important and you should both be thinking about your little girl right now, not casual sex.
If you do want to work on your relationship, you both need to change your behaviour to each other. But it will have to start with you. End the fighting. Sit her down and tell her you want to work on your relationship for the sake of your baby girl. Tell her you are sorry for how you have behaved in the past with the dating sites etc, because although it's not cheating, its blatently looking around, which isn't conducive to a healthy relationship. Tell her you want to end the fighting and start a fresh. Then draw a line under the past and concentrate on having the best possible future with your new family.
You don't seem to love this woman, but she has said she loves you. If you really want your baby to grow up with a solid family unit, you have to move forward in this relationship with love. If your girlfriend doesn't seem able to do this and your relationship continues in this abusive, point scoring way, you know it would be better for your baby girl if you were apart.
Just make sure to IMPROVE relations with your baby moma reguardless of if you stay together. Otherwise this WILL affect your baby. If you are civil and not nasty about each other, your baby will have a stable view of her parents relationship. Also if you are civil, you should be able to see the baby the whole time shes growing up and be a good dad for her. Otherwise she may have another father figure come in and see him as dad.
You have a lot to think about. Good luck with it.
...............................
|
