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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I have a question regarding to none working wife syndrome. I have a uniquely, painful situation. Im in my late 40's and faced with a a big dilemma. I wish I could find some opinions here. So, I had many children, and I was stay-home mom, for many years. I was increasingly depressed, because the parenting didn't seem very successful, and eventually the whole parent experience became nightmare. I had to deal with mental health issues, and serious behavior problems with 2 children, what took up all my motivation and energy. It is hard to understand it for those who had no serious problems with their kids. This situation isolated me from friends too because they couldn't relate to my problems. SO NO FRIENDS NO WORK, lots of problems with kids. My husband worked hard, he was nice, but not a very strong father, so i was the main "social worker". So while I was washed further and further away from the right direction, I became increasingly depressed, disillusioned and tired. I was also criticized by others, that how come i dont work or do anything, as i was an intellectually interested creative person. SO here i was with troubled children, a working all the time but kind husband, criticized by family and friends. I was hurt, and misunderstood. Nobody knows how it feels to run after your seriously disturbed teen, and police stuff. Mental health issues etc. Of course many people would think what a parent, but they dont know how much effort was put in.So the situation today is that i feel burned out, even so the kids are grown, they are continuously causing trauma, and I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING. What really bugs me, yet it also hurts me how there is no compassion from others. My sex life is also non existent, and it makes things even more sad. My husband has gone off sex. But my biggest problem and question, how can I get back my motivation, if I hurt like that? If there is any more info needed let me know... Thanks
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female
reader, jazmin1  +, writes (22 August 2010):
Like yourself I am an older mum, I am 52 and have a grown up daughter with serious mental health problems, and a daughter who has epilepsy seizures every day. I also have a younger teenager. I know where you are coming from when you feel others can not understand how your energies are being channelled in other ways than theirs. I also stayed at home as I felt that is where I need to be for them and have space to be me. I have helped myself by studying at home and also becoming a flower therapist and treating myself and family with the remedies. I also became a volunteer. Just take small steps to empower yourself. a wee bit exercise done even at home, especially jumping on a rebounder trampoline can help a lot. I feel respect for myself and I find positive feedback from others. We all have different paths and journeys to live through, you are unique and know what is best for your circumstances, you sound as if you are ready to make some changes in your life for yourself, so good for you and best of luck.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Nobody said parenting was an easy job! First off, you sound like a great mom to me. I'm concerned are you getting medicine for your depression and seeing a therapist? My mom went through rough teenage years with me then through an affair, and a divorce so needless to say she's utilizing those resources. After you seek treatment then ask yourself what were your goals and dreams before kids?What are your favorite activities, take this jazzercise class you always thought or that pottery class, either way it's a good way to make friends. Whether it's being a nurse, to a chef, or traveling to Egypt act upon it, do something for you since you have often taken care of others. Your kids are grown they can deal with their own drama. Start enjoying life, live it up. Once you take you in consideration then the rest with your husband will follow.
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