A
male
age
30-35,
*ahlialS
writes:My general dilemma is if I should wait or take the chance with a close friend of mine who recently came out of a relationship. Though you need to know some background for the full story.The friend and I have been friends for about a year now, though I've known her for a great time than that. It was around this time last year another friend had a birthday party and she and I started talking and became friends from there. We quickly became close friends, constantly hang out out and soon after I found myself attracted to her. I think she's grand, but I lacked the self esteem to act upon it, I always thought of her as out of my league. So this attraction continued on for several months, with no action made in any direction. I eventually let it die out.Now comes April, a trip to Costa Rica was organized and I planned on attending, a group of my friends were already going and I was a late entry due to financial reasons, but I was able to go nonetheless. Among this group of friends was the girl I find myself liking, whom I had liked before. We spent a total of 9 days together for Spring Break in Costa Rica, what fun we had! As if I had been struck by lightning, I was again attracted to her, most likely much greater than before after having spent so much time with her. The problem being is that she was dating another guy at the time, a relationship that didn't last a huge span of time, though I can't say I know exactly how long. I reluctantly let it fade once again. It seemed timing wasn't great for me.The end of the school year approached and nothing happened, I didn't have anyone that interested me, but my mind constantly brought her image to me. During the last week of school I spoke to her about it, I told her how at one point in time I had liked her, but no more. Around this time she'd begun dating someone else, she didn't really respond to my confession but I believe this was part of the reasoning. She dated this person over the summer, only to be broken up with later on, without great reason I might add.Since that relationship she has had one more, that ended this past week, after only a few weeks of dating. This past Monday when she informed me that she'd been broken up with, something in me clicked. Suddenly, maybe due to my compassionate nature I felt great emotion toward her once again. I didn't expect it at all. She was once again on my mind, I feel I have a calling to help her, not only due to attraction. She seems to always search in the wrong places, she always leaves our group of friends to find people to fill things in her life she needs filled, when we're here to provide that for her. In her relationships she does the same thing, she chases after people in order to feel loved, when she doesn't need to chase. I feel she deserves so much more than what she has had, and I wouldn't call myself perfect, but I know myself to be loving and caring, and I feel a calling to fill that for her. Show her she is loved. So now I've stumbled upon a dilemma, and I'm weighing the pros and cons or what have you. I almost feel I should list things, but meh. Now I know I am going to act upon it, she is a close friend and someone I've liked before. I don't want opportunity to pass me by, she is always in some secret relationship very few know about and that's part of the problem with my inability to act on my feelings before. Since it was only last week this past relationship ended I'm not sure when I should act. I feel it now, and I want to tell her how I feel now, but I also feel I don't want to intrude or cross the line, or be the rebound. Since both times she has been much more attached to the other person she liked, than they were to her. She has gotten the short end, she's so loving but doesn't receive the same. I've had a similar experience in the past. Now I'm weighing whether I should wait til the storm clears, or should I show her the sun, that someone does care, now. She is greatly attached it seems, she was attempting to learn a song to try and win them back, but from what I've seen, they had problems even starting their relationship in the beginning due to the persons ex, and now I can't see it going anywhere. I don't know what's crossing the line though, and I definitely would like her to be in her right mind. I also can't say that they won't potentially get back together, but both of her past relationships have been over a distance, the persons she was dating were off at college, not exactly near us. So I ask, should I take the chance? Or wait?Some Notes-We've been friends for a year, close friends at that.-I see her daily, and we always have fun when in each others company.-Based on claims from my friends, apparently she liked me before I even knew her, but I can't base it off a rumor, though I trust them.-I've liked her before, several times, but timing has always been bad.-We always "play flirt" but I find myself being serious sometimes, and I'm not sure if she is. Though we'd both assume the other is joking.
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female
reader, Legioness  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Since no ones answered on this yet i'll throw in my two cents.. Since she's just come out of a relationship just be there for her as a friend, nothing more, once she's a little more settled, and yes it could take some time, then maybe hint towards it, if you still want to that is. And with a bit of luck, you being there as her friend for now will bring you much closer and may just go your way :)
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