A
male
age
30-35,
*igJ_64
writes:I met my first girlfriend last year. We started dating a few days after we met, which was at a "Relay for Life" event. We dated for around 9 months, with some breakups and other rough spots in between. 2 months later after the breakup I find out she's moving to Texas, and she wanted to share something special with me as I was her "first" as she described it. So last week we met up at a bowling alley, came back to my house and had sex, it was both of our "firsts." When we went back to town to the shopping mall she told me she had to leave early and had to run a few errands for her mother. She asked me if I still loved her, and I said "yes." She just told me tonight, that after she went home, she went to her friends house. She had liked him for a long time and felt the only way to show her feelings for him was to have sex with him. She also just told me tonight that it just kind of "happened" and didn't mean it to. There's a chance she might be pregnant! I feel betrayed, angry, sad. What should I do? I'm finding it really hard to tell her I forgive her, and I feel that I shouldn't. What should I do?
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male
reader, BigJ_64 +, writes (16 July 2008):
BigJ_64 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help, but I don't know what the deal is. She told me she liked the other guy, and has been, even when we were dating. But then after we broke up, she still loved me and still wanted to have sex before she moved, because we did other sexual things together and I was her first real relationship. So we took precautions, I used a condom. She told me that when she went over to the other guy's house, they also used a condom, but it broke, so she had to go to the Family Planning center. She did another thing she promised she wouldn't do. She took the morning after pill, and she told me she wouldn't do that if we used condoms because it didn't feel right to her. I wanted her to take it regardless, I took all the precautions so we could have safe, meaningful sex, before she moved, and then she turns around and screws some other guy. I lost my virginity to her, she lost hers to me, and then she has sex with some other guy!? I'm in such a mixed mood of anger, sadness, and shock. :'(
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): If you didn't use condoms and she didn't lie to you about being on the pill, then you've got nothing to complain about if she's pregnant. You could have taken precautions.
As for what she did, it sounds cruel & manipulative. It sounds like she wanted to screw this other guy but she thought she could live with herself better if she made you her first beforehand. That way her "first" was technically with someone she had a relationship with instead of the casual encounter she wanted with the other guy.
Doing something respectable-by-technicality isn't really very respectable IMO. Let alone how manipulative this whole thing was to you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 July 2008):
You don't have to forgive her. You could cut contact with her if you want.
This was a horrible thing for her to do.
If it is within 3 days of it happening get her to take the morning after pill.
If she is moving away then you might have split up anyway, so I think you should just cut your losses and call it a day.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, lovinthehubbyx +, writes (16 July 2008):
 hey my names rachel just a little bit of advise here!
i dont think what your girlfriend did was right and shes spitefull for ding it BUT if you keep a grudge for the rest of your life then it will leave you not trusting any girl for ever and beleive me there are some girls out there who wouldnt dare cheat. i also recognized you said u both had sex before she slept with the other guy so if she is pregnant then it could be yours too. I advise you to say to her to get her priorities in the right place before you decide to let her back in your life again and if she dosnt seem to change then move on with your life she obviously aint worth your time of day xxx
i hope my advise helps and i truly hope you both work it out u seem the type of guy who deserves to be happy x
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A
female
reader, BendychickP  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Well, this girl obviously hasn't come to terms with the definition of 'relationship'. Cheating is not right, and not something that should happen. There is a definate chance that she may be pregnant, you should get it checked out. If she is pregnant, this changes the relationship completely, are you sure you're ready to commit to a child that's not yours at such a young age? You need to tell her exactly how you feel and that you are struggling with forgiveness. Human beings aren't perfect, we have emotions that are irrational, but we also can't just forgive someone for this sort betrayal. Our heart carries scars and they never completely go away. If you really love this girl, you'll try to stay with her. If you find it too hard, then feel no shame in ending it. The incident was not your fault and your girlfriend has to come to terms with that. Good luck in finding forgivness!
Bendy xx
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