A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyonemy problem is that I'm so parrnoid I've been with my boyfriend for a while and I love him, he says he loves me but I think it's just because of the way I look and our good sex life... he complains about me as a person quite a lot... I daydream a lot I smoke I swear ect.He lives with a lot of girls including one in which he used to have casual sex with. Every time he goes out I am convinced in my head he is cheating, his flatmates who he lives with tell him I have mental problems and paraniona. Last week I went to London and I really didn't enjoy it staying in a hostel, I rang him upset looking for support and he was short with me, when I got home much later he confessed to not really listening to me and smoking weed through that conversation with one of the girls he lives with. I feel betrayed and I don't know why!This girl who he had casual sex with and lives with well he expects me to be nice to her and go to social situations with her there I have grown to like/tolerate her but I feel uncomfortable We have our share fair of problems I am not the easiest girlfriend but who is!?Tonight I went out for a few drinks with a female friend to cheer me up as it's been a year since my nan died and I'm struggling a bit with uni, he knows how I'm feeling as I told him but alls I got is a text just saying how are you, no effort no phone call etc. I text him saying which pub I was in to see if he would bother to come and see me but he called instead and asked if I would call him when I had free time. I've been in uni all day and worked today I said no as I'd be late and he went fine, then in a really horrible tone and hung up.This guy seems so nice but the more I know the more I don't like but I'm really in love with him and I don't know how to cope, I'm falling behind at uni under stress.He says he loves me but I can't help but think he's lying, I put in a lot of effort into the relationship, I've suggested going on holiday this summer and maybe living together next year but he just isn't inteerested.I love this guy but I hate wasting my time!
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female
reader, Stacy Trail  +, writes (20 November 2008):
 "I feel betrayed and I don't know why..."Trust your feelings on this. You might not know the logic of "why" but your intuition is telling you the truth!- He complains about you to his friends.- He tells you that his friends think you have mental problems, instead of sticking up for you to those friends.- He is rude to you on the phone because he is spending time with a girl he used to have sex with.- He would rather live with a bunch of girls (including the one he had sex with) rather than live with you.- He doesn't take the time to talk to you when you've had a bad day.You say you're not the easiest girlfriend, but he's not the most supportive or caring boyfriend! He's emotionally abusive, and certainly not treating you with the respect you deserve. You owe it to yourself to find a man who knows how to treat a woman well, who cares about you, and shows you he cares. You deserve someone whose behavior fosters feelings of safety and love, not betrayal and hurt.
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (20 November 2008):
 You will know when a man truly loves you and there will be no question about it. This is a self centered young man and if you stick around waiting for him to change, he is just going to treat you worse. He is showing emotional abusive behavior. You might be attracted to his be ego, his arrogance.
Don't call or text and be very brief when he contacts you. Let him wonder what you are doing and what you are thinking.
You are too young to wait around for a boy like this when there are so many boys out there looking for someone like you.
I stayed in a situation like what you described, for almost 5 years. I might never get over the broken heart from this situation. So, I speak from experience.
If you look up narcissistic personality disorder, I am sure they are describing this guy. Look for a scottish fellow, they are a lot of fun and when they love you - they LOVE YOU. My guy was Scottish and he did not love me but I know how he is when he LOVEs a woman. Very heartbreaking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): Your young, and I'm sure he's young too, It seems like you are wasting your time with this guy. Don't tolerate being with someone who is "living" with someone he use to have sex with? Who knows what they are doing when your not around. And he smokes with her, probably drinks with her too and both of those things can lead to impaired judgment. Yeah he says he loves you BUT he sure doesn't act like it.He seems like maybe he just cares for you than love or he may have a funny way of showing it who knows. For example, you being at the pub and him texting how are you, shows he at least cares, You telling him which pub your at and he calls saying call him when you have free time, shows he cares BUT if he was a man "in love" with you, you better believe he should of been down there by your side. Have you brought to his attention about how you feel about him living with this female? I would not move in with him, that would be huge mistake, especially since he doesn't seem interested in the idea. I'm sure you are a beautiful woman. Don't waste your time with this guy when you can find someone who will treat you right and respect you and your wishes. I put up with someone just the same, realized I was wasting my time, yeah it hurt to leave but boy am I thankful for the man I have now :) There is someone out there better for you, good luck :)
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