A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My boyfriend used to rave lots and it is a thing he enjoys so I have been to two raves prior to the one on my birthday with him. However, I don't really feel comfortable at raves. We went with a friend who also didn't like raves very much so we ended up leaving very early. However, the night before my birthday, it was just him and I that attended this rave. I've been anxious weeks before the rave because I really don't feel comfortable at them. Long story short, we arrived and I started feeling overwhelmingly anxious. My boyfriend was trying to dance and cheer me up, never leaving my side but I literally couldn't handle being at the rave. Eventually he went to go say hi to one of his friends and I was approached by several people and next thing I know I had completely collapsed, waking up in the hospital 3 hours later with my boyfriend at my side worried sick. I had woken up in the hospital for the start of my birthday :/ Ever since then, anything associated with raving immediately makes me feel overwhelmingly anxious. My boyfriend really enjoys raves but he's worried sick about putting me through that kind of anxiety again. I tell him that it's a thing he enjoys lots and I don't want to contribute to him missing out on it but he doesn't want to make me anxious while he's at one without me. I'm not quite sure why I get so anxious. Is this normal? I don't quite know what to do about my boyfriend since it's already been half a year since I woke up in the hospital that one time. There's been three main raves that his close friends have organized but he didn't go because of me. He really cares about my well-being but I can still see that he's a little sad about missing out on something he likes to do. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): Have you tried having a few drinks before you go? Going while drunk might help.
What is it about raves that make you anxious, OP? Does this happen in clubs, other large gatherings of people?
I love raves and still go sometimes with my wife. We always have a few drinks or take some pills before we arrive so we're ready to dance and party. Going sober is the most pointless thing in the world, you may aswell go to church naked, it's almost inappropriate.
The fact that you were so frightened by the experience that you collapsed means you should stay away but it also means you should go see a doctor about it too. Anxiety to the point of collapse is not normal regardless of the setting, OP. Especially when a rave is just a party but bigger with louder music and nothing at all that special.
I mean raves are filled with the nicest of people all high and taking care of each other while dancing and having fun. They're pretty much the safest place to be on a night out because everyone is looking out for each other because we all know the risks behind doing what we're doing. I bet you immediately had a group of strangers come give you aid when you collapsed and take care of you.
Any nothing I say about them makes up for the fact that you can't handle them, but collapsing for any reason is reason enough to go see a doctor for some in depth advice about anxiety.
OP you need to reassure him that it's okay for him to go to these raves, there's no reason he shouldn't go, he's not the one with anxiety is he? I mean if you loved paragliding and he couldn't do it because of a crushing fear of heights he wouldn't stop you, and he wouldn't so anxious about you doing it as to affect him badly.
It's not normal to collapse for any reason, OP, heat, lack of food, standing up too quickly etc. there's no such thing as a normal collapse. Yours was from a panic attack too, you need to see a doctor and discuss this because who knows what situation you may find yourself in where it happens again, you may not be in a room full of your boyfriend's friends all loved up and looking out for each other. If it can happen there it can hit you other places too, so you need to find out what the trigger was.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (11 June 2014):
 I grew up in the nineties when raves were all the rage in the UK. I attended a couple and felt very overwhelmed and anxious to escape.
(Anybody living in Birmingham, UK, in the nineties will know of the infamous, long defunct "The Dome" and "Pulse" Nightclubs which were awful places!)
The Raves i attended were unlike other clubs I had been to.
I hated the fact that half the people there, rather than dancing, seemed to be in a some kind of drug induced trance or moved around the place making lurching dance moves like Frankensteins Monster having a seizure. It all seemed intimidating, scary and I couldnt wait to leave. There was an atmosphere, an intimidating mix of very loud "music", flashing strobe lights and attitude.
For a woman, especially if you are young and attractive, being "alone" in that situation can be intimidating as you will get a LOT of men approaching you. Often in a cocky, or aggressive way.
Maybe he could go to some raves with out you? Him and his friends could go raving, say once a month or whatever suits you both WITHOUT you. Its something he is unlikely to want to do for too long. In my experience raves are something most people quickly move on from as they move away from their youth. Its unlikely he will raving at 30 LOL
Mark
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): Can he not go to raves without you sometimes? Then he can enjoy himself without having to put you through them. You don't have to do EVERYTHING together.
Or has your anxiety about raves reached such a level that you would suffer intolerable anxiety even if he went on his own? In which case you need to look at exactly what the cause of your anxiety is.... possibly with some professional counselling.
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