A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this is my problem: I was really in love with this bodybuilding guy. He was the only guy who had ever treated me with love and cared and pampered me and spoiled. He was almost perfect. We were really in love and by no means would we have stopped the relationship in any way. We have slept together several times and even spent a night together once, which I will remember and cherish forever.My parents did not like him for his appearance and all that. He tried his best to win their favour but when it didn't work he started getting sick of them and losing his respect for them. In the end, there was a big fight between him and my parents and he didn't handle that properly. I wanted to just show my parents that he's a great guy and make them like him but in that fight, he didn't show them his good side. So then, even I couldn't take his side cos he was the one who was wrong there and who blasted them. On November 28, 2013, after days of pondering and crying and starving and trying to figure out what to do, I told him we'd break it off. He suffered a lot. He cried a lot and kept remembering me and his life turned into a hell. His father hit him when he found out that he had been sleeping with me and all. In our culture, when two people are sleeping together, they get married. Our people don't normally sleep around. Even on 25th December, he kept messaging me and crying and asking me to come to him. He said if I come, he will wait for me. I was suffering a lot too. I loved him so much and I still do. I remember I cried everyday and I used to fall flat on the floor and pray to God to ask for a solution. 26th December he sent me a message first blaming me and then asking me to give him a decision. He said an Australian girl was interested in him and his parents were going to marry him off to her soon. I replied the message and I told him to move on. I asked him to forget me. January 16th he was married. A friend sent me the wedding photo. I was really sad that day. I felt like a part of me had gone with him. He married a woman who is about 16 years older than him. I think they are expecting a baby now. Last night I had a dream about him and in that dream he hugged me. It felt so real and I could remember how his body felt when I hugged him and all the sweet times we had together came to my mind and I cried a lot. :( I feel guilty and like it was because of me that he had to marry that other girl. Am I a bad person who does bad things to good people? I feel guilty for making him suffer. Should I be? I'm really sad and confused. How can I get over this? Please help me...
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (26 March 2014):
 No, your not a bad person and neither is he, you are both young and both of your parents put you in a very difficult situation.
Rightly or wrongly your parents believed that your ex wasn't right for you. Sadly his immaturity was evident in that he engaged in an argument with them, an act hardly likely to win them over, putting you in an impossible situation.
You were really left with little choice but to end things.
However, that said, it's all water under the bridge now, he's married someone else so is therefore now off limits.
I think you should chalk it up to experience and try to move forward with your life as there seems little else you can do.
As to how you do that, avoid your ex at all costs, have no contact with him. Fill your days with study, work, hobbies and activities. Surround yourself with friends who make you happy and live your life, make it count.
Just take one day at a time and at some point you will start to feel better.
Be patient though because these things take time.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): you're not the only one who would feel guilty for making your ex suffer. A lot of dumpers do feel this way. But you have to remember that you've suffered too, not just him. He seems to be getting on with his life; you should start doing the same. If he didn't want the woman, he could tell his father that he didn't want to be with her, he could run away, he could do something else to stop him and that girl from getting married. He's made her pregnant, so he's committed to her. There's nothing you can do now.
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