A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday I caught my boyfriend masturbating. I know its normal and im not "jealous" like some people on here have been. I just think that its something that should be kept private (i know some people like to share it, its a matter of personal opinion)This sounds stupid but i cant see him the same anymore. Whenever i think about it it makes me feel sick and I dont want to get close to him.I dont need him to stop but i just dont want to see it.I told him how I felt and he thinks its funny that i feel "awkward" him. He's not listening to how i feel at all and has started to be really mean.Please help me because I feel it might affect our relationship. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CELE82083  +, writes (22 December 2008):
I know some of you say that its not a big deal and all men do it. Not all men do it, but I feel her pain. I am going throught the same situation, I used to feel like it is no big deal, but when your husband rarely has any desire to have sex with you because he has already masterbated it is a problem. Or when you do have sex and 4 out of the five times he can't finish it is a problem. The only problem I have with our relationship is his frequency of masterbating and I have asked him to slow down or stop and I tell him it makes me feel horrible and he lies to me and says he will. It can ruin your relationship. You should talk to him now before its too late.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 December 2008):
 It could affect your relationship if you allow it to do so, but if his activity is occasional it is really quite normal. If his masturbation becomes obsessive and so frequent to the point that he begins to eschew sex with you, then you are entirely justified in concern. Yes, he should lock the bathroom door, or better yet indulge when you are absent - or perhaps as "petina1" implies, make it a mutual endeavor. The problem begins to pervade relationships, in my opinion, when either men or women indulge in an almost constant barrage of pornography for stimulation (if such is the case) and it eventually replaces reality. Real is better when available.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (6 December 2008):
 Just try to laugh it off. You could say something like, 'hey give me a shout next time, if you want a hand'. He's only doing what comes naturally. I have to agree with 'Friend Tom'. The guy thought he had some privacy. Don't let it spoil your relationship, let it enhance it. hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim not saying it was wrong
i said that originally: "I know its normal"
im not saying i dont want him to:
"I dont need him to stop"
we live together and he didn't shut the bathroom door thats how i saw. i would have appreciated the use of the lock.
mainly now the issue is he thinks its funny im upset
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Where did you find him doing it? You say it should be kept private, but surely he wasn't doing it too publically? Although I could imagine that sitting in front of the tv is quite a popular location and maybe not what you want to stumble upon. What I don't understand though is why it makes you feel sick and not want to get close to him. Can you tell us what it is about him masturbating that make you feel this way?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Well, ahh...duhh! He probably thought he was being private...What did you do, walk into his room unannounced? And who are you kidding, hon? You do it too.
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