A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Let's call my brothers friend L, and my Brother G.For the past 1 year and 2 months i have been in love with L... about 6 months ago i told him how i felt and got rejected. I found it strange when he came round asking G where i was, i was upstairs i really didn't want to see him. I haven't had a proper conversation with him since that day. About a month ago I managed to find out from G that he had warned off L before I asked him, saying that he wouldnt accept it. And two months ago when L was asking G if i really liked him, G said that He lead me on. The thing is i'm still in love with L and i don't know what happened, and i feel like i dont have an open relationship with my own brother anymore. Not only have I lost L but i've lost G too! I'm finging it difficult to cope. We were always so close and now he gets paranoid when I go out thinking that I'm going to meet L. He doesn't trust me and I dont trust him. Also both G and L are at university so i hardly see them. L emailed me a few months ago asking how I was doing. I was angry cause I never knew what G had done. I made it perfectly clear my life was fantastic without him.I still don't know what fully happened. We were always so happy, and now it doesn't feel like my life and I can't seem to move on. I want the full story about what happened but G gets annoyed he wants to sweep it under the carpet and never talls me all of it. He always says that i'm over him so what does it matter. Plus i know the pair of them have been fighting, they weren't speaking over christmas after G had an argument with L, which I know was about me but that's it. I don't know what to do, can you go back to how things were, or do I have to live knowing I destroyed all these relationships?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 You are angry because you feel thwarted by your perception of your brother's actions. And you feel that your brother's friend, a friend who you feel affection for, has been warned off by your brother. You have not destroyed relationships. That over-states your power in all this.
Yes your brother was probably over-protective of you and interferring. And though he had the best intentions he hurt you if he did do all these things behind your back.
I believe that yes, your brother recognised the crush you felt for his friend. Your brother and his friend no doubt discussed it, long before you told your brother's friend of your feelings.
And your brother would know his friend very very well. Because men talk about their intentions toward any female in their sphere. Surprising, i realise, but often a man's intentions are not honorable to any particular female. And your brother is well aware of his friend's track record of intentions toward girls. So yes, it is highly possible that your brother warned his friend to stay away from you, until you were a little older, and until his intentions were more honorable towards you.
And friends at University often fall out over all manner of things. That is not your fault.
In time your brother's friend and your brother may improve the state of their friendship. And you may even see your brother's friend visit again.
And some time in the future, when you see your brother's friend there may even be a chance to let this man know that you still have a crush on him.
Patience is a great healer.
Try to forgive your brother for breaching your trust, and interferring, with the best of intentions, in your life. By your brother's standards he is now a grown man at University. He cannot help but still feel protective towards his younger sister.
Accept that your brother's friend is probably not certain how much you know about his original intentions. Given time he may approach you at some time in the future.
And perhaps understand that your brother will probably go on trying to protect you until he feels more confident about your safety, in situations where he feels you could find yourself out of your depth, in his opinion
Talk to Your brother. Try to forgive him. Try to heal the rift between the two of you. He can be your great support and he wants to watch out for you.
Just get him to realise that as you age his role will change more to be your trusted confidante who you can consult.
And raise the fact that in the future any action he takes on your behalf should only be action that has already been discussed with you, sanctioned by and agreed to by you, in consulation with you, prior to the action occurring.
What now seems like a huge tragic fiasco will be resolved. Don't make it out to be a bigger drama than it needs to be. Stay calm and rational and things will slowly work out.
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