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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with someone forover 12 months; he moved in with me after only two months (silly, I know!!!). I am feeling so confused; I really feel like he manipulates me (although I have no way of proving if this is definitely the case, since he is very cunning in his ability to manipulate others- he has even boasted about it)...I am writing this as I am really upset; I am currently studying my Masters (which keeps me very busy), and I just spent two hours of my own time helping him with his work- all he could say was that I am a "pompous bi*!!" I am really hurt about this and I feel so upset. The other thing is that I get the feeling that he is cheating on me- your advice here would be really useful....this is why...he is very secretive about his email and his mobile phone and recently I borrowed hos mobile....I know I should not have done what I did (but the thought of the humiliation of being cheated on was too much), I looked in his phone and found a number that belonged to a girl that he claims to be a friend of his...anyway, it appeared from the call register and sms's that they were in contact multiple times a day- I did not find anything much in the content, apart from a "hello, sexi" sms from the girl.....I asked him about her, and he claimed that she was still in NZ (the call was from a Gold Coast number)....aggghhh, this is driving me nuts, and it is affecting my self esteem so much- am I just being paranoid, or do I seriously need to wake up?!! Your advise would be greatly appreciated. :-)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (29 September 2006):
 You've found he is in constant contact with another girl who texts calling him sexy, you've asked and he has covered it up, what friends talk to each other so many times in one day? unless obviously there is a simple reason to it but that wouldn't then happen everyday.
I would ask him to leave and concentrate on yourself, thos shows him that you are stronger than he gives you credit for, this will also help you to work out what you want from your life and this relationship also giving him time to sort himself out and possibly wake up to what he is doing and encourage him to change his ways or your gone forever
Good luck :o)
A
male
reader, fallenman  +, writes (29 September 2006):
 Beware this type of individual, they can be as you know highly manipulative and controlling, they tend to have a moderate to severe antisocial behaviour when threatened which is sometimes seen as arrogance. This type of personality trait does not often fade with time. If you like being used and abused carry on, if not get out and stay out!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006): i can understand how you feel as my boyfriend is the same with me,but as time moves on im getting stronger and he knows that,i love him dearly and ive let him do this,dont let this guy do this to you,be stronger than me and all the other ladies whom are in the same predicument.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (29 September 2006):
 I think you should follow your instincts here: they're usually right. You obviously don't trust him and he needs to go. Someone you're in a relationship with should make you feel loved and happy, not the way you're feeling now.
By the sounds of what you've told me, they don't sound like the kinds of messages friends send to each other. I'd say just throw him out, he's never gonna come clean about what he's been upto and the trust is gone already because of all his secrecy and these messages.
It sounds to me like you try hard with him and he just throws it all back in your face. Please get out while you still can, the fact that you could write all these things down on here shows me that you believe them and really want to act on them.
I hope you get rid of him. There's no point trying to talk to these people, they wouldn't know the truth if it slapped them in the face. Get out of there and move on, find someone who loves and respects you and who makes me feel a million dollars.
Good luck
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