A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should i move on? ignore it? or just go with the flow? here's the situation.. My boyfriend and i have been going out for 4 years (on and off) during the time that we broke up we had other partners but it did'nt last long because we really wanted to be with each other.. the problem is he has different personality than me. he is more like the type that likes to text, likes to party, likes to work.. doesn;t like talking on phone (well what i noticed was, he doensn't like it when i call him) ... he gets annoyed by me real fast (because i always like to talk to him on phone) I'm more of a .. i like to study.. call person, if you wanna talk to me.. call me don't text me.. i like to work too.. we both have work.. i don't get annoyed by him, I love it when he calls, but he doesn't call me, just when he needs something. i don't like to party but i do sometimes because he wants me to and all i do is sit there... In 4 years, he told me he loves me maybe 6 times.. which is sad because I'm a very affectionate kinda girl.. I like to be loved. I like it when a guy is romantic to me but he isn't like that.. My problem is 1.) I noticed he is nicer to me when I have money.. when i get payed.. - I pay for his phone, he asked me for money several times, I always pay for our food, lunch dinner,, everything we do in 4 years... - but don't get me wrong, 3 weeks ago, he payed for sushi and that's all I can remember.. - i understand that he has bills to pay so i don't complain about what I do for him, in fact I sometimes offer if he needs anything because I will do everything for him.. 2.) when he is mad he always ignore me.. and tells me to fuck off and turns off his phone. 3.) He never calls me to say hey babe, how r u ? hows ur day? have u eaten? in fact, he doesn't call me babe anymore since we got back together which is a year ago.. His mom always asks for money and always treats him badly.. one time she kicked him out and i was the one who took care of him gave him money and was there for emotional support.. and he gave me all his attention... he said i was the only family he has... im his girlfriend and his buddy.. now, i guess they are okay and he ignores my call.. he doesnt text me. in fact he hasnt talk to me for a day, no calls, no texts.. and i called him maybe 3 times and texted him 3 times.. because its thanksgiving i wanted to at least talk to him .. because i know he is with his family .. but he just ignored me.. i know they are his family but i feel like he is using me.. i feel like he only needs me for sex, money, and attention when he doesn't get it from his family... or if he wants to show me off to his friends at a party.. i feel neglected, I feel like I'm no good, I feel like I'm giving too much while he giving too little. Can someone please tell me how to deal with this. The last thing i wanna do is to break up, but i want to see if i can still fix this.
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 This is what I term a fatal attraction. You are both no good for eachother, yet for whatever reason you cannot stay away.
4 Years is a long time, especially at your age, and he is unlikely to change, so I guess you have two choices:
1) Carry on as you are. Accept things will unlikely change, and certainly not for any substantial period of time. Take the bad stuff in your stride and cherish the good. Try talking to him, but accept that he is who he is (no good by the sounds of it!)
2) You could break up with him. Deal with a few weeks/ months of horrible pain, doubt about your decision, doubt about yourself, texts from him... then see the weight lift. Take some time to focus on yourself, make sure things are over for good this time, then wait for the man that is going to call you 3 times a day, tell he loves you every day, takes you out to dinner and foots the bill, curls up on the sofa watching a film with his arm around you, who brings you flowers every time he sees you. And be happy.
(And yes men like that do exist lol, my sister has one of her very own, they have been dating three years now, and he still brings a red rose every single time he sees her!)
I do honestly think you are only going to carry on hurting eachother, and you deserve soooo mcuh better. Take control now hun, instead of rolling with whatever he does. And most importantly, good luck!
A
female
reader, pinkkitty23 +, writes (25 November 2011):
4 years is a loooooong time girl. Honestly I'd be very upset if any guy continously took advantage like that and esp. continued to ask me for money and treated me like that. What so you see in this jerk anyways???He should be able to AT LEAST text you back happy turkey day!!! My guy texted me first thing in the morning thats what I woke up to then he and I caught up at night because like your guy he was with his fam. which is totally understandeable but it takes 2 seconds to text happy thanksgiving !!!.. just saying . Sigh, I digress.. if you really want things to work you should talk to him!!! Tell him how this is making you feel and try to compromise. If you guys can't communicate after 4 years thats kinda a problem so I'd suggest working on it.
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