A
female
age
30-35,
*hantomchick53
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years and together have two babies. We have 2 kids each to previous partners. All up we have 6 kids whom we raise together.He was with his ex for about 5 years. They were not married but were engaged. They broke up because she slept with another man and fell pregnant. He refuses to talk about marriage with me and even though he has said we will eventually marry.. I find it hard to believe honestly.this does bother me.What bothers me most however is this - his ex has threatened to kick me in the stomach when I was pregnant and although she seems civil enough now, she's so involved it feels like polygamy. She gets invited to birthday parties that I don't get invited to. She is friends with his sister who hates me. Everyone likes her but doesnt talk to me. My boyfriend will sometimes even defend her actions and his mother told me how romantic the proposal was. I Often wonder if he still loves her and that's why he wont take the next step with me.A long time ago we had a fight and I told him I was leaving. He cried.. but the first person he ran to was his ex. I read the message he sent her and she said ":-( I am so sorry I'm here for you " ... yeah.. sure she was! We got back together soon after because I love him to death. I just don't know if he loves me. He claims he does and for the most part he acts like he does. Its just the issue of his ex and her presence and also the fact he did a lot more for her when they we're together than he does for me. I feel like I'm second cab of the rank and I don't mean that much to him I'm just the girl he got pregnant.
View related questions:
broke up, engaged, got back together, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 There is no way to rid your life of this other woman as you and her both have kids with this guy. I suppose that the reason that he doesn't want to talk about marriage with you is because he doesn't want to rush into being engaged a second time and he just wants to take his time and be 100% sure that this time around it won't result in a break up. You have to decide if it's worth everything still being with him. we cannot tell you to leave or to stay. it is a choice that you need to make considering not only your feelings, but your kids as well.
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 I don't see how you can win here. She is the mother of 2 of his kids. They will want their mother and will hate you if you ask her to leave.
It might be possible to limit her a bit, but I don't see how you come out a winner here.
Sadly I think you might have to learn to live with all of this if you really want to be with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (26 May 2016):
 Sweetheart, I feel for you.
You need to decide if you can cope with current situation, possibly for the rest of your life, if changes aren't made.
If you don't like to think of living as you are for ever and ever then you are going to have to take the bull by the horns.
I think they are all walking all over you, and will continue to do so while you allow them to.
My advise is to print off the letter you have submitted here and let him read it, it is possible he is either unaware, or ignoring, things as they are now.
Tell him things are going to change.
6 children between you, and your very young ages suggests there wont be a lot of spare money laying around for a flash wedding, are you prepared to get married without all the whistles and bells?
There is nothing wrong with a ceremony in a park, or if a relative is willing, in a nice back garden, your partner can even wear his jeans and a shirt with sleaves rolled up if you make it casual. Follow it up with a BBQ with lots of salads, you can even request guests to bring their own alcohol if you provide a fruit punch and some jugs of soft drink. Ex partners do not rate an invite.
As for the other issues you mentioned, if a party is happening, and you partner is invited but not you, then he simply doesn't attend, tell him it is disrespectful for him to do otherwise.
If his mother starts raving on about how romantic 'their' engagement was, you have permission to tell you don't think her getting pregnant to another bloke was very romantic.
If he isn't willing to make changes then consider leaving him, far better in my view to be a single mother than in a relationship that is not loving nor caring.
He needs to man up or move out!
Please let us know how you get on.
...............................
|
