A
female
age
41-50,
*ola80
writes:I dont know what to do , i work in my family business with my brother who is a year or so younger then me , we are both in our late 20's . He has caused nothing but trouble for my parents since he was a child and still at it now bringing all sorts of problems home , he owes everyone money and wont pay me the banks the credit card companys and they are all ringing my parents house , he uses cocaine and steriods at the wkend and then has a terrible come down in work on monday and is normally still drunk !!! He hit my hand last wk when i asked if i could take money out of money i had belonging to him that he owed me and left me with very sore bruised fingers ahe did this on front of my mother and then denied it ... He is hiding stuff out of my office now in work , bad mouthing me to our customers telling lies that i dont do my job properly and he is sick of it and using bad language about me .... My parents are at the wits ends but they are afraid if they throw him out he will end up on the street , but truth is im afraid of what he is capable of , I know he is jealous of me as i have a nice home husband and kids that i have worked very hard for , he blew everything he earned and any money anyone gave him was spent and never paid back yet he wears only designer clothes and buys new ones every week ... I just feel so upset for my mother and father and feel a little afraid of the monster he is turning into he used to have feelings now he is only nice if you are doing or giving him something and dont think he cares about anyone but himself ...Is it the drugs ??? Anyone know from experience he is doing them since he was 14 and now on hard drugs 10 years not everyday but 3 days a wk at least and on bingeing sessions doing drugs and drinking with no sleep for 2/3 days any advice and i would be greatful and my dad is our boss and no he wont sack him !!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): I'm very sorry about your situation. I can only imagine how trapped you must be feeling right now.I've been doing a lot of thinking, I can relate to your situation to some degree because my brother is almost that way, except that he's younger, I believe he doesn't do hard drugs and THANK GOD we don't work in my father's company. We do live toghether tough, and my parents are afraid of him and unable to put a halt on his behaviour.It's very difficult to be in that situation and to know that you can't do anything and that your father won't take any drastic meassure either, despite the fact that he's affecting you, even hurting you physically and he's indangering your whole family wellbeing too.The first thng you must do is to think about yourself and your children, because you woulnd't forgive yourself if something were to happen to them because of him (directly or indirectly), plus they'll grow and he won't be precisely a great influence.The only thing that has occured to me that you can do is to change your job... Sorry, I know it sounds harsh because probably you love your work, have put your life into it, maybe even hoped to pass it on to your children... but well, we've got bigger concerns right now, and your father won't take action.You probably are a very skillful professional, so you can use that experience elsewhere. I know whorking for someone else isn't as gratifying, so you could also start your own business, your father might even want to help you do it. If you believe your brother to be a very serious risk I would even advise changing your residence to another state.You probably think, why me? why do I have to give up on my life if he's the one "behaving badly"?The answer is simple: because no one else will do anything, not your brother, not your parents, and it's your and only your responsability to take care of yourself and your children.The way things sound, he'll become even more abusive, I don't know the size of the company, but he could bring it to bankrupcy and he could end up killed or in jail.He clearly needs help, he needs to be hospitalised and detoxed, deal with his self-steem problems (which clearly he has), learn about responsability and controlling his temper, but without determined and joint action from all your family he won't get it.About him talking badly about you, don't pay attention to him. Let your work speak for itself and don't go into talking badly about him either to clients and providers (despite the fact you'd be right), because it would damage your image and you'd sound just like him.The following might be a little way off. It's a very drastic aproach I once saw in an old film. But, if you have the possibility of doing it, it could either work or bring something even worse out of him: Make him believe that your father goes on bankrupcy. That there's no money left, that you have to move out of your houses, sell your things, find new jobs, etc. Maybe if he didn't have money to eat, let alone buy his drugs and designer clothes and the wild lifestyle he has been giving himself (sponsored by your father), he would start realising the value of life and of things. But yet again, that aproach is far unrealistic, for you would need you have a lot of money to handle the logistic part and a lot of strenght, unity and acting skills to pull it off.I can only wish you good luck and send my sympathies to you.Be strong!
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