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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi there, i have a little problem regarding one of my students. i think he fancies me, and the problem is i like him too. And because of this, i think my judgement is getting cloudy. I am more leniant with him than the other students, and when he crosses the boundaries i do not tell him off for it, but i just laugh it off, and go flushed. He has come in sevral times semi-drugged up or fueled up, and when confronted about it, he just tells me as it is. And on these ocasions i have just sent him home, without informing the principal, or any other member of staff because i do not want him to get into trouble. What do i do? Come out with my feelings for him (he turns 18 soon or should i just supress them, and be more harsh on him?With Regards. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): i wish my teacher would feel the same way to, she can be a bit flirtaious but i dont no if she feels the same way, can you help me out i am eighteen and i feel as though im grown up enough to except this responsibilitie. Do i ask her or do i just keep playing cat and mouse. She looks at me constenly sometimes for even 5 minutes! we get on so well and i dont want to spoil this freindship we have developed over the ya=ears what shall i do ? And personally if u feel the same way you should tell him if he really likes you he will keep it on the low down and you can both make each other happy behind closed doors untill it's time to be open about it. If he feels for you the same way i feel for my history teacher then he will be so happy xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): Despite how your feelings are, you can't do this b/c it's an untethical code of professional behavior. If this was your brother in law, I would say, GO AHEAD!!! But it's not, it's a student and you're suppose to respond according to a rule of conduct. I mean, your newly developed feelings is normal. But wait until he's finish with school and if you still desire, go and let him bang you up one nice time!!
Your duty, accoring to his family, is to teach him. B/c of that, you have an obligation to fulfill and that is to not endulge into his life with your feelings.
By start doing the right thing, you have to start reporting his inappropriate behavior, and this will be very good part of recovery for you.
Take care,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): Good lord, where is your head, woman? You are his teacher and in a position of authority. You are also an adult in a position of trust and you are asking if you should tell this young man you fancy him? There are serious boundary issues about crossing the edges of appropriate behavior, here and you are paying no heed to them. Your job is to educate, guide, help, develop and re-channel the youth, you are teaching...not seduce them! For that reason, dear- I seriously question your emotionalmaturity, your moral fiber and your good character. You are considering a choice to go ahead, and tell a student, you care about him.anyways. You will pay a huge price for your desires and that could be your job all because you are not allowing your career ethics and your mature, sound judgement to kick in. There are wonderful teacher's in this world, who do clearly understand the impact of being a "formidable, responsible role-model' but you aren't doing this for this young man.
You are feeling the normal feelings that happen when you cross the boundary and become emotionally close to someone. You do sound lonely and I am sorry but a teacher does not pursue her students to ease that whatever problems she has, in her life. Stay positive and on track and allow these feelings for this kid to pass over. But you never, ever tell him. Give it time and be strong. I think you want a deep and rewarding relationship and you can have that. You can have a relationship with whomever you choose-just not' your students, dear!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (17 February 2007):
 Okay,
Do NOT tell him your feelings. If you are a teacher by profession, treat it as one. It's not a singles club, it's a place where CHILDREN and TEENAGERS come to you for guidance. Parents are trusting you with the education and well-being of their kids. They trust that you will use good judgment and not challenge any of your kids boundaries.
If you tell him your feelings, or act on your feelings, you'll be completely betraying your role as a teacher, a role model and a respected authority figure. You need to recognize that you are an adult and he is a child, clearly with some drug issues. It's important that he have POSITIVE role models in his life. He can't HAVE lenience, that makes YOU an enabler. Every time you tell him to go home (he probably doesn't go home, probably goes out and hangs out with his buddies, or whatever), you allowing him to skip out on his education.
Clearly he's not getting the boundaries he should be getting from home and he SHOULD be getting them at school. Letting him get out of an education is completely betraying what you ought to be doing as a teacher. It is your RESPONSIBILITY to make sure EVERY kid in your classroom gets a proper, professional education.
I understand that it must be difficult having an attraction to a student. And I'm sorry I was so harsh. However, it is important that you don't cross that line or else you could get into trouble with your school, and you'll lose respect as an educator.
If you continue teaching, there will be kids who you like more than others - maybe even have some feelings for. And a good adult will recognize them as fleeting and inappropriate and settle them down.
I hope you can see this for what it is (a crush) and ignore it and begin to stop letting this kid get so much slack. Send him to the principals office! Don't feel bad about it. Every time he comes in fueled up, he's ruining more and more of his life. If you truly care about him, you'll give him the discipline he needs.
xxIndia
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