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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My husband comes from a very toxic dysfunctional family. They use each other, controlling, yelling, shouting, violence, immaturity but I am a calm person, trustworthy hardworking etc totally different from them. I think he is starting to realize what they are but feels guilty and sometimes he will say to me that I am the only person he has got in his life, what does he mean by this when he has an enormous family?. There have been numerous arguments between me and him because of his family as I will not get involved with them.I actually feel physically sick when I hear their voices now and that's not a joke, I sense something really bad when I was around them in the past and now I stay away and my gut feelings are usually correct about bad people.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2016): I believe your husband knows that his family is toxic. And I think it's great that you are a source of comfort for him I think you should continue to comfort him in his life if you truly love him. But if you love him then his family is also a part of him so you have to respect them as well and possibly be around them. You can draw boundary Lines with his family with things that make you uncomfortable you should talk to your husband about this and try to meet at middle ground.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 July 2016):
 I would sit your husband down and tell him that you are FINE with him seeing his family and spending time with them, but that YOU can't do that yourself. That you love him, not his family.
And that you don't WANT to have arguments over his family in the future, so if he WANTS to vent about them, that he tells you that he is venting. If he wants advice, that you THEN will give your PERSONAL opinion.
My FIL is an old grouchy, misogynistic, racist, abusive, alcoholic and chain smoking man, I avoid spending much time with him. And honestly... I have avoided having my kids around him too. YES, he is family, YES he raised 6 boys on his own, YES 4 of his 6 sons aren't bad people, but I see the yelling and the "verbal diarrhea" in ALL of the sons. And it's just not something I want around my kids if I can avoid it. So my husband HAVE gone to visit him a few times without me.
YOU DO have the right to decide who you want around you when it comes to family and friends. And toxic people? I'd dump them in a heartbeat even if... they are family.
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