A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ilive with my boyfriend,but the relationship is a mess.My love for him is fading day by day,he makes no effort to express his love.I met this guy who mistakenly called my mobile and we clicked straight away,what amazed me is that he got the same problems and has lived with his partner as long as i have.we have been sharing problems,but just the other day we were kissing and ended up having sex.What should i do continue with this guy's friendship or stay away from him?.All i needed was friendship someone to share.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (27 March 2007):
 I wrote my last response before your last one, so I didn't see it until just now.
If you're that unhappy and things aren't going well, then I don't think it's in the best interest of your child to stay together. How can being in an unloving relationship with your husband be good for your child? Hopefully you two don't argue too much infront of your kid because that could be worse than growing up with parents who have split up. Also, you don't want your child to grow up and hear all sorts of nasty stories about his/her (sorry I don't know if you have a son or daughter) mother or father and how they've cheated, etc. etc, right?
Have you two sought couples counseling? It might help you determine the root of the problem. If that's a no-go, then I do suggest a trial seperation - especially if you are only together for your child. It's better that he/she grow up in a loving environment, right? Not a forced one where the parents are unhappy with each other and have feelings of bitterness, resentment and neglect one another. Do you see what I mean? Just think about all of the possibilities and think about what truly is good for your son/daughter.
It's great that you two tried, but sometimes things just don't work out the way we plan. There's nothing wrong with that, it just means you both might need to move on and into relationships that make you both - and your child! - happy.
^_^
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (27 March 2007):
Oh! Duh, I just realized I didn't really answer your question: do you stay friends with this guy?
Well, that depends. Do you really think this would be a wise decision if you want to stay together with your boyfriend? Honestly it sounds like it would be a bad idea to remain friends with him. Do you think that his girlfriend would be okay with it? The last thing you want is for her to know and come after you. Do you really want that kind of drama piled up ontop of what is currently going on?
I suggest not seeing him anymore and letting him know what you're doing over the phone. This way you won't see his face and can hang up if he tries to talk you out of it. It might sound like a jerky thing to do, but if you want to focus on saving your relationship then you have to do what you have to do. At least that's the way I see things.
If you and your man end up splitting, then I don't think it's as big of a problem remaining friends with him. The only other thing I would be cautious about is the girlfriend. You don't know her at all and you really don't even know this guy too well, or that's how it seems. Just be careful. Like I said, you don't want to add more drama to everything when it can be avoided.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks alot for your answers especially Stina your answer comes from wisdom.I've got male friends and there was no reason for me to think my relationship and the 'wrong number guy' would turn out to be this way,he gave me all sorts of advise and so did i to save our relationships.Its
shame all the effort is gone wasted.
Im not justifying my actions but my partner is no angel found him several times cheating,the only thing keeping us together i must admit is our child.I've almost given up for this relationship, we've talked this over and over but he is not making no effort- every day i wake up hoping things will be better but im just living a lie!
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (27 March 2007):
Hi Anonymous,
HYave you spoken with your boyfriend about the problems that you two are having? Maybe he doesn't show love for you because he feels that there is also something wrong in the relationship. You won't know until you have a heart to heart discussion with him. Ask him how he feels about the relationship and try to understand where he's coming from. You should also feel free to express your thoughts on everything, as well. Just because a person feels negatively about their relationship, it shouldn't make either person involved angry - communication is key to any strong bond, right?
Okay - well if you two have talked and things seem to be going nowhere, then that's a different story. Perhaps it's time to take a breather from one another to see how things work for each one of you. Of course, it'd be best not to live with one another while you're split up, because it won't give either of you the chance to see what it's like being on your own and experiencing new people (if that's what you choose - be sure to lay everything on the table when it comes to what "rules" should and shouldn't be in a split. I personally think that there should be no rules, because you're split. But people are different, so make sure you two are seeing eye-to-eye on this!)
If you do end up breaking from him permanently, I suggest you don't do it because of this specific guy. Do it because you're unhappy in the relationship. If you find yourself exclusively dating this other man in the future, then great! If not, you won't be upset and let down since you weren't "going after" him in the first place. Do you understand what I mean?
So I suggest talking to your man, if that doesn't work then try a split, if that doesn't work then break up. And don't feel bad about breaking up! That's the point of dating - to find someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with! ^_^
And one last note - I would think about telling your boyfriend that you cheated on him. If he cheated on you, don't you think that he would want to know? Let him have the option of being with someone who cheats on him as opposed to someone who doesn't. Don't you think it's only fair? If not, then that's up to you, as well. But please think about him and take his feelings and future into consideration, as well, okay?
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (27 March 2007):
 You know what you should do and you know what you want to do. You need to sort out your relationship with your boyfriend and see if you can make that work. I think you would be fooling yourself if you thought you could see this other guy with out anything happening.
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